god

Even If…

/ LeahDawnRoot29 / Leave a comment

“…We do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter…the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will…but even if He does not…we will not serve your gods…” Daniel 3:16-18 NIV

Did you know self-healing is a false god? The desire to be healed is not wrong but trying to heal ourselves or someone else is. Why? Because there is only one God, one Healer, and He ain’t we.

In January of 2023, I rang in the new year in such a heap of depression that I didn’t eat for three days. On day 3 I realized I had been bombarded with old wounds I thought I had healed from. I was grieving past relationships that had ended a decade prior and those wounds threw me into a deep trench of despair and self-pity. On the third day I snapped out of it, made myself eat and decided I needed to embark on a healing journey that would close all past wounds once and for all. I read a book on control, poured myself into gym workouts and other self-improvements. However, life had other plans and 2023 turned out to be a year of severe heartache, major upheaval and much unknown. By August I was worn out from fighting battles in my own strength. I allowed a root of bitterness to grow but wasn’t even aware of this weed’s existence. I found myself so angry with God that I refused to pray or read a single word from my Bible. I lashed out at friends and at one point believed I was just going to have to heal alone. It would be a year later before I would finally allow God to soften what I had hardened and begin to seek Him and His will once again.

My desire to heal was not wrong. Most likely it was a revelation from God. But instead of allowing God to heal me, I took matters into my own hands. When I embarked on this journey of healing, I naively thought it would only take a self-help book or two, and a few prayers filled with surface-level surrender. From a timeline perspective, I figured this would be just a month or two kind of process and I would finally be freed from these wounds. Those lies led to failure. Here’s where I failed. I trusted in a road map that I created with directions from a false narrative I had written instead of beginning this journey in the posture of prayer, practicing complete stillness and fully surrendering my will to God’s. If ever a year had lessons, 2023 not only shook my faith, it uprooted the mustard seed revealed just how conditional my trust in God was.

I’ve watched many sermons and read many devotions on trusting God even if; even if He doesn’t answer our prayers the way we expect and beg Him to. We are called to worship Him even if He doesn’t come through the way we believed He would. I’ve even heard testimony of others praising God when His answer was “no.” Instead of putting this into practice, when God has told me no or answered my prayers differently than I had planned, I argue, wrestle and give Him the silent treatment. I have even cussed in my prayers and demanded God to say “yes” to whatever it was I was begging of Him to do. In an effort to ward off total unbelief, I would declare a refusal to quit believing in His existence but truth be told, I do quit believing in His goodness and His perfect will. I question every word He has promised all of us and forget that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). Every time hardship arrives, I put my own heart desires before His plan. Instead of saying, “even if”, I worship the false gods named “Doubt”, “Fear” and “Despair.” But there’s another even if I forget also. My God’s love for me never fails, even when my love for and trust in Him does.

What is your even if? What situations or circumstances in your life have shaken your faith, uprooted your mustard seed or turned you away from God? As you read this, I pray it challenges you to two things: 1.) Trust God even if He doesn’t defend or rescue you and 2.) Remember that God loves you even when your love is dependent upon how He intervenes in your life. Today may we all recommit ourselves to trusting, loving and worshipping God, even if…

Just Be “In The Moment”

/ LeahDawnRoot29 / Leave a comment

“‘For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'” Jeremiah 29:11 AMP

“Something bad is going to happen.”

“I can hope for the best, but I need to plan for the worst”

“What does God have planned for me?”

“Is this God’s plan?”

“This can’t be God’s plan?”

“I’m going to fail God’s plan.”

These are examples of the fearful thinking that overwhelms my mind on a daily basis. A crisis doesn’t need to be present, most days, these thoughts simply hit me out of nowhere. I take anxiety medication to help me function but the medication doesn’t make these thoughts go away. They’re especially present when I believe a God has a specific plan for me but I’ve yet to see it happen. These thoughts emotionally paralyze me when it seems as though what I was believing God for, is never going to happen.

The opposite of fearful thinking is extreme forward thinking. This is a maneuver I rely on as a way to combat the anxiety fearful thinking stirs up. Some would say planning ahead is a good thing and I definitely agree. Having a plan A and even a plan B (that back-up plan in case plan A goes south) is a what some would identify as a form of responsible thinking. However, going further with the creation of plans C – Z is extreme forward thinking. Plans A-Z and beyond have been my mode of operation throughout my adult life.

If you operate in this capacity, you, like me, may also pray fervently for God to not only tell you about His plans, but demand that He reveal them in a specific way. In fact, you may grow impatient with His perceived aloofness, especially when He doesn’t answer you with a mind-blowing revelation as soon as you say “Amen.” You may even try to control how He reveals His plans through various signs, or meditating on scriptures that you think will lead to the answer you’re seeking. This may turn your prayers into demands of a step-by-step action plan that resembles a Gantt chart of your entire life’s events. If you’re unfamiliar with a Gantt chart, it’s a project management tool in Excel that allows the planner to list the action steps needed to deploy a plan, in order of operation, and includes date ranges for each step that establish a timeline allowing the planner to track their progress. If only the Bible was a Gannt chart listing out God’s plans in that kind of format, am I right?

God doesn’t operate with project management tools. He doesn’t use Excel or any kind of software to map out the good work He is doing in our lives, nor does He use Google maps to show us where His plans will lead us. Although He does have a timeline He rarely reveals it to us. Should He give us a timeframe, it’s usually much longer than we would choose if we were the ones making the plans. In fact, I believe God’s timing will never match our concept of timelines.

In May or June of 2022, after believing I heard a specific word from God and that it had come to pass just a few short months after hearing this word, I found myself stressing over the future of this plan. I don’t remember the exact detail I was lamenting over, but I am certain it was a worst-case scenario type of concern. I also remember that I was displaying this level of worry during a conversation with a lifelong friend whom I believed was the answer to the word God had given me a few months earlier. I don’t remember everything this friend said that day, but I do remember one simple sentence he spoke, one sentence that interrupted all that I was fretting over. What was his simple words of wisdom? “Hey-Just be in the moment.” At the time, my brain couldn’t comprehend such a suggestion for a variety of reasons. It would be several months later, with this friend absence from my life, that God would remind me of these same words of wisdom during a commencement ceremony.

In May of 2023, I found myself sitting in an arena surrounded by fellow graduates at various degree levels and friends and family as the audience present to support all of us. I was filled with anticipation of the moment my name would be called, I would walk on stage and receive my masters degree and hooding. If I’m being honest, the anticipation was actually a hyper-focus on that specific moment that would only be a ten second part of a 2-hour ceremony. Focusing on just that blink of an eye moment, was causing to miss everything else that was happening and God knew it. He knew if I had stayed focused on just that moment, due to it being so short lived, I would experience a high level of letdown by the time I returned to my seat. That letdown would lead to missing the inexplicable joy that I felt when the ceremony ended with bursts of royal blue confetti and a powerful song of praise that left me feeling like a character in the happy ending of a pop culture musical. Amidst all the noise of echoed speeches and celebratory music blaring from the speakers, I heard God whisper, “Just be in the moment”- it was a whisper that not only reminded me of a friend I was missing but beautiful words of wisdom I needed at that exact moment. I am grateful to have heard His whisper that day and for redirecting my thoughts to each moment of that celebration. I had no idea that only a few weeks later, God’s plans would include spending the remainder of 2023 living moment to moment dealing with an unexpected life-threatening illness, false legal allegations, and uprooting my entire home to relocate to a new city.

Did you know that God spoke Jeremiah 29:11 when the Israelites’ circumstances were the complete opposite of good? They were in captivity and in Jeremiah 28, God told them they would have to wait seventy years before He would set them free. God revealed part of His plan for them and gave them a timeline but He didn’t reveal what would transpire in the seventy years of hardship they would endure. He simply reminded them that He knows the plans, they didn’t need to. The plans were good, but not given in detail. Although it didn’t look like it where they currently were, they had a future and they could hope in His word.

Yesterday God used this verse in my own life after hearing a young woman’s testimony that included clinging to Jeremiah 29:11 after the death of her brother. At a young age, this girl learned that life’s circumstances can be downright heartbreaking but God’s plans are still good no matter what is happening around us. God embedded this verse deeper when I came across a sermon on YouTube that centered around this very piece of scripture. As I listened to the teachings I couldn’t help but be reminded of that simple wisdom from a friend just three years ago. This time it came from a personal story the speaker shared. The story was about the moment this speaker found himself present in an arena for spiritual conference and God reminding him of something he had drawn in his prayer journal 45 years earlier. The drawing was a picture of a basketball court with a X just left or right of center court. At the time of the drawing, this man worked for a professional basketball chain on that very court. His job was not specific to ministry by any means. He had no idea that not only would God lead Him to starting a church when he was 50-years-old but that God’s plans would bring him back to the same basketball arena, 45 years later, sitting left or right of center court, but this time as a renown Christian leader and speaker of that very conference. God gave him a glimpse of His plans but didn’t show Him the whole picture until four and a half decades later. Isn’t uncanny how God can use a story of loss and a story of again to teach us a simple truth in one well quoted but often times, misunderstood scripture?

God has plans for me and you. His plans are good, they include hope and a future. But He’s not telling us what those plans are nor does He want us hyper focused on figuring those plans out. God wants us to trust Him in all circumstances. In fact, He instructs to do so in Philippians 4:6; Be anxious for nothing but in all circumstances, present your requests to God (paraphrased). Extreme forward thinking not only leads to anxious thoughts, it puts us in the driver seat and God in the backseat. It’s also an act of distrusting His plans. If you’re struggling with believing in God’s plans, I want to encourage you today to, delete the “project planner” you created for your life, blindly trust in Him, believe that He knows the plans He has for you, and just focus on the moment He has you in right now, today. In other words friend, stop stressing over God’s plans and Hey-just be in the moment today.

Not a “Hallmark Movie” Easter Message

/ LeahDawnRoot29 / Leave a comment

“Jesus replied, ‘You do not understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” John 13:7

About a month ago my car developed a rough idle. I made an appointment with the mechanic and received what I dreaded hearing-my car would need a $462 repair. I had just had it in the shop at the beginning of the year for a $600 brake job and was not looking forward to another repair expense so soon after the first one. Fortunately, my vehicle was still drivable, so I decided to wait until after my business trip to Chicago that I had to take in early April before scheduling the repair.

One week prior to the repair, while pulling into a grocery store parking lot, I heard a pop and hissing sound. I thought I had run over something and punctured a tire but didn’t hear any hissing when I shut the engine off and had exited my vehicle. I thought perhaps it was fluke, commenced with my shopping and then drove home. The hissing, however, was once again noticeable when I pulled into my driveway. Anxiety overtook my overthinking brain as I began to wonder what else was wrong and how much the additional repair would cost me. I had someone come to my house and diagnose the engine hissing the problem. I googled what suspension issues cause a shimmy and what the estimated cost of repairs could be because my vehicle was also experiencing some shaking when I reached certain speeds. I cancelled all plans that involved extra spending or extra driving that week and even considered just parking my car and walking everywhere. If we hadn’t had freezing rain/snow predicted for weather that week I probably would’ve chosen walking as my mode of transportation.

This past Friday I took my car in for repairs. I told the mechanic about the additional concerns and asked him to give me a quote for it all before he started any repairs. I left my vehicle at the shop and walked home. That was at 10:00 in the morning. At 1:00 in the afternoon, I called to check on the status of my vehicle. I learned they were running behind and hadn’t even looked at it yet. I thought to myself, “Great! Now I have to wait longer to know how much this is going to cost and who knows if my car will even get fixed today.” Three more hours went by and called again. Not only was my vehicle fixed but guess what the final bill of sale was…TWENTY DOLLARS! Remember that hissing sound coming from the engine that started one week earlier? What I thought was going to be an additional repair/expense, turned out to be the whole problem. I had been praying and asking God’s help over this situation but what did I ask for? Well, I only ask God to provide what my budget would not be able to cover. What did He do instead? He revealed the whole problem with one simple fix and saved me $442!

Today is Easter Sunday. For the next 24 hours, my social media is going to be flooded with photos of families in matching “church” outfits, gatherings centered around ham dinners and easter egg hunts, and “He is Risen!” posts. Churches all over the world will be preaching on Christ’s resurrection, some with smoke-filled theatrical reenactments of a stone rolling away and a boisterous choir or worship team belting out “UP FROM THE GRAVE HE AROSE…” Salvation and Christ conquering death will be the ultimate takeaways preachers will hope their flocks glean from today’s sermons. But what if Christ’s death and resurrection includes a message we are missing? What if there is an additional lesson we need to learn from Holy Week and especially from Resurrection Sunday?

Jesus’ disciples walked with him for three years and knew Him more intimately than any of His followers and probably even more than Jesus’ own mother. Yet, Jesus warned His disciples of His impending crucifixion, and they did not comprehend what He actually meant. Peter even tried to prevent Jesus from being arrested, and instead of his best friend who was under attack joining the fight, He stopped Peter and call him “satan.” Jesus preached salvation through death and resurrection before He was ever arrested, beaten and killed and although His followers believed He was God’s son, none of them understood that He was actually going to die and rise again three days later. The Old Testament prophesies about the Savior and gives hints to the people of that day of God’s ultimate plan for redemption, yet God’s chosen also could not fathom the events that actually occurred.

But then again, isn’t the Bible filled with examples of how God speaks or gives a promise, skips the details on when or how He will fulfill that promise and humans create their plans of just how that promise will be fulfilled? When the angel told Mary she would give birth to the Savior, that angel left out the gory details of what her son would endure or that His life would be the ultimate sacrifice that redeemed everyone. God told Abraham He would be the father of all nations, yet Abraham’s wife was barren and although God gave Abraham two sons, one of which was not a part of His original promise, yet Abraham never lived to see the full extent of God’s promise. God told Joseph he would govern over his brothers, but complete opposite happened first. Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery; he ended up falsely accused of a crime he did not commit and imprisoned for about 14 years. It was while he was in prison, that God fulfilled the promise He had given Joseph, in a dream, so long ago. Joseph interprets Pharoah’s dream, gets released from prison and becomes second in command. God uses Joseph’s leadership promotion to not only save Joseph’s family but also sustain an entire nation during a severe famine. God didn’t give Mary, Abraham or Joseph all the details. He just gave them a promise and expected them to trust Him without knowing how He would deliver on those promises.

Today, as you celebrate Christ’s resurrection, take time to reflect on the ways how God has redeemed your life, your circumstances or saved your family. How has His ways exceeded all of the ways you thought He would do it? Don’t be surprised if He gives you a promise and then allows really hard circumstances that look like the complete opposite as the catalyst for keeping His word. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us of God’s plans for our lives being good and His promise of a hope-filled future. But Romans 8:28 reminds us that God uses all things including, stressful, painful or circumstances we did not ask for or can humanly comprehend, for our good and His glory.

Although the salvation story and Christ conquering death are the most important takeaways one should glean on Easter Sunday, Jesus’ ministry, death and rising from the dead should also remind us that we do not serve a Hallmark movie kind of God. Our faith walk is not based on a meet-cute of God’s promise, some minor interference or unexpected plot-twist and human predictable happy endings. No, we serve a God whose ways are much higher than ours and whose deeds are beyond human comprehension. If anything, our faith walk can resemble a Lifetime Movie Network original complete with our personal Judases and Job-like experiences that include plot twists packed with betrayals and losses of people or things that can never be replaced. We pray, we believe, we fast and then the opposite happens. We experience crises or even tragedies we simply do not understand. When question what the hell God is doing, He gives us a John 13:7 answer. We are not meant to understand what He is doing while we are in the fiery furnace or lion’s den situation. It is only later, with no exact timeline of when later will be, where God will give us the details needed to grasp or comprehend what God is doing in the right now.

In spite of all the mystery and unknown, we should never cease to pray or ask God for help, to intercede on behalf of our families and to believe that God will restore what the enemy has stolen from us. What should we cease doing? Expecting God to deliver on His promises in quick, easy, nontraumatic, simplistic kinds of way. Keep standing on God’s promise He gave you and trust Him to answer, when He deems the time is right and in the very way He knows is the absolute best way. Even if it feels He is crushing you right now, He will never fail you or fail to keep His word for you and your family.