STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF!

“The Lord will fight for you, you need only be silent.” Exodus 14:14

Ever argue with a narcissist or someone who has extreme hatred toward you? The arguments tend to look this: The hater is very accusatory, demanding and threatening. Their accusations usually come out of nowhere. You feel stunned by such a sucker punch (metaphorically speaking) and backed into a corner. While your head is spinning from the lies being hurled at you your immediate nature to defend yourself kicks in. This only fuels your accuser to push back harder and in the end you’re left wondering if what they’ve said about you is actually RIGHT?!

I have had my share of said arguments both personally and professionally. Each time I’ve felt a deep hurt and confusion asking myself why someone could say such things, tell such lies or treat me the way they did. I would turn to God in prayer seeking truth but also seeking justice. More often than not, I would get the message to just be silent and let God fight this battle.

I’m a woman of many words. I have a sarcastic sense of humor and am very quick witted. Growing up my momma would say “Her mouth will get her into trouble someday.” And it has, far too many times. Obviously, God’s “be silent and let Me take care of this” answer has never been an easy one for me to follow. In fact, there were times that this answer infuriated me. It’s not easy to let someone slash your character and remain silent. It’s taken much practice and I’ve still a long ways to go. When I put silence into practice, this is what happens:

  1. My accuser cannot argue with me if I’m not saying anything back.
  • 2. My accuser can hurl harsh words at me but those words can only deeply hurt me if I let them.
  • 3. My accuser cannot define my character. Only God can.
  • 4. Silence allows me to listen to my accuser, think about what’s being said and decipher between truth and lies.
  • 5. Silence is a form of humility. Defense is a form of pride.
  • 6. God is faithful and always keeps His promises. If He says He’s fighting for me, I believe Him even when I can’t see His work in action.
  • 7. For every verbal tearing down I’ve experienced, God has sent someone to build me back up.
  • Here’s an example of what I’m talking about: I’ve seen two movies recently where refusal to argue (a form of silence) was put into action. Both of these scenarios stood out to me as signs of true humbleness. Here’s the scenario of one of them: In the ending of this movie two women, who’s friendship had ended over a man, cross paths. One is carrying the man’s shirts that were just picked up from the dry cleaners. The other notices and says; “I bought him that shirt!” The other says nothing but then apologizes for hurting her. Instead of accepting the apology, the jilted woman responds with “you were always jealous of me, even when I was accepted to Notre Dame.” Now if you’ve seen this movie you would know that a discussion takes place earlier between the woman who ends up with the man and another person. Basically they draw a conclusion that the jilted woman actually lied about being accepted to Notre Dame. At the moment she then calls her ex-friend out on jealousy, the other woman could’ve called her out on the lie but instead responds (in a soft caring tone) with, “you’re right…”
  • The jealousy statement was an open door for the accused to defend herself but she chose to let her accuser think she was right instead.
  • If you’re character is being attacked right now, if you’re battling with a narcissist perhaps or just being bombard with false accusations take courage in knowing that you’re not alone in this kind of battle. Saul hated David and hurled a spear at him. Jezebel hated Elijah and hunted for him. The Pharisees hated Jesus and nailed Him to a cross. Even Judas sold Jesus out. Just like God fought for and protected David, Elijah and Jesus, He is fighting for and protecting you. God knows the outcome of your circumstance and no matter what, He IS fighting for you (and me.) When your accusers rise up, be silent and let God fight the battle for you.
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    A Downpour or a Sprinkle?

    “He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves.”

    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭107:29‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    I believe everyone goes through storms in life. Some storms come in the form of financial despair, loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a rebellious child or maybe dealing with some sort of addiction. A stressful situation of any kind, especially the kind that seem to last for years or as if they’re endless, can feel like you’re walking against the wind of a full blown hurricane with no shelter in place to escape. But sometimes, what we imagine or expect to be a storm turns out to only be a little sprinkle. Let me give you two examples of what I’m talking about.

    This past Independence Day, the morning started out very hot. My family and I “puddled” as we endured the humid temps watching a parade that celebrated our nation’s birthday. By afternoon we were lethargic and becoming stagnant because no one wanted to move in the heat. Normally we would’ve gone to the beach but this year we had different plans that turned into a day of “playing it by ear.”

    Me, being a creature of habit and feeling overheated, felt a strong need to get to a lake. So my niece and I headed to the local lake that has a beautiful walkway trimmed around it. As we were driving the sky started to rumble and large drops of rain sporadically hit the windshield of my vehicle. The clouds didn’t look too stormy and judging by the rain droplets, I assumed whatever was brewing was going to blow over quickly.

    For a moment, I was right. By the time we parked and headed on our walk by the lake, there were no raindrops. However, in a few short minutes that changed dramatically. The rain formed a steady sprinkle and by the time we were halfway into our walk we were caught in a massive down pour. When it started raining sideways we decided it was best to turn around and head back to the car.

    Did I mention there was limited shelter in the area and lightning was striking over the lakeshore periodically? My niece and I could’ve panicked. But for some reason we just laughed as the rain flooded our heads, faces and clothing. In fact at one point the rain was coming down so hard I could barely keep my eyes open to see where we were going. Once we reached shelter we paused enough to get the water off our eyes and then head back out in order to reach my vehicle and drive home. Once in the vehicle, I had to wring out my shirt and my seats became drenched from soaked clothing. Nonetheless, this was one of the best moments of my life. The rain cooled us off and it was a rare memory that created much laughter with my niece also.

    This morning the skies got loud again. The rumbling sound drew me outside to see what was happening. Dark gray clouds were heading my direction and getting noisier the closer they came. The wind was picking up as well. All signs showed one doozy of a storm about to hit. I returned inside and waited for more. Guess what-aside from a five second down pour, this morning’s display was “all talk” with very little action.

    Circumstances in life are very much the same way. Sometimes we are hit by situations that nearly blow us over. Sometimes what we expect to be a major uproar turns out to be just a bunch of noise and nothing more. Sometimes, like my niece and I did by the lake, we heed the warning signs and find ourselves up to our eyeballs in a storm that could’ve been avoided. Sure my niece and I made it out and we shared one heck of a laugh as we went through the process but in stormy life circumstances most people aren’t laughing nor do they even know how to get themselves out.

    No matter if you’re in a downpour or experiencing a sprinkle, Jesus is the master of the storms. Whether He chooses to calm the storm (like He did for the disciples) or allow you to experience a typhoon like Paul did as a prisoner on a ship, Jesus controls the storm. Even self created storms (brought on by our own sinful choices) can be calmed when we surrender to Jesus and seek His redemption. Jesus may use the storm to break you, but never to destroy you. Also, if you’re being broken by Him, He’s only breaking off what doesn’t honor Him in order for you to grow deeper in and closer to Him.

    What situation are you facing today that feels like a major storm? Examine how you got there, confess anything that was self-made (including any lack of trust or disbelief you may be experiencing) and stand on His promise that He will calm your storm and still the waves. Also-ask God for discernment to heed the warning signs and also to know the difference between circumstances that are downpours and ones that are really just light sprinkles or sporadic raindrops.