A Playdough State of Mind

“But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand” Isaiah 64:8 ESV

“You’re overthinking too much!”

“You should think before you speak!”

“You’re too lazy!”

“You work too much!”

“You’re too serious!”

“You’re too immature!”

“You’re too stubborn!”

“You’re too much of a doormat!”

“You’re too uptight!”

“You need to be more serious!”

“You’re too overweight!”

“You’re too skinny!”

“You’re….You’re….You’re…” I hear this contraction every day. The ending varies depending on who is speaking to me but nonetheless, everyday someone feels compelled to define or correct me. It’s rather ironic because for the past year I have become more aware of feeling completely invisible to most people-yet somehow I am noticed, daily, for what others think they need to change in me. What’s even more ironic is the “You’res” that are pointed out to me are the same characteristics or personality traits I can see in the “potters” in my life. In fact, they’re common characteristics in most people. Yet for some reason, people feel compelled to point them out mostly to me. These “You’res” are flaws I am already hyper aware of and don’t need others to remind me of.

People that know me best define my “You’res” as “being human.” Those two words are the best grace someone can speak to me. It’s the kind of grace that brings about a relief that allows me to let go of every baggage of insecurity I carry around, even if for only a brief moment. Imagine holding your breath daily, being told you hold your breath too much and then having someone say it’s ok to exhale. That’s what hearing “you’re just being human” feels like to me. It’s physically feeling lighter, emotionally feeling worry free. But that same baggage gets is overloaded with anxiety whenever I hear someone else speak another “You’re too….” to me. It’s heavy baggage that leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. It’s another day of simply holding my breath once again.

Three “You’res” that have hurt me the most are: I am “too dramatic”, “too sensitive” and “too argumentative.” To overcome these I have become a stonewaller. When I hear these three (or anything similar), I will shutdown, cry behind closed doors and allow my accuser to “be right” before I will defend myself, show that my feelings were hurt or display any reaction that could feed someone else’s already misguided opinion of me. Why? Because in my 40+ years of life I have learned that defending myself gives ammunition to my offender, showing emotion reveals weakness and arguing is simply an exhaustive waste of energy. Right or wrong, stonewalling has my coping mechanism.

But what does stonewalling have to do with playdough? The Bible tells us that God is our Potter and we are His clay. We are playdough that is ever changing and ever moldable. Our own insecurities mold our thought processes, reactions and confidence (or lack thereof.) Others’ opinions of us mold how we interact with them. For example, yesterday, after walking in a spirit of defeat, feeling like I was striking out all day and fighting the urge to just sit the bench for awhile (and drying lots of tears ensuring no one else could see them), I thought to myself, “I feel like playdough.” I wake up everyday with a heart that is open to being molded by God. I have prayed (not daily as I should) for God to use me as He sees fit that day. Before I leave my house though, my own insecurities have remolded the image God made me to be. I change my outfits at least four times settling on what I feel the least “frumpy” in or what I think hides the extra pounds I can’t seem to get rid of. I apply four layers of make-up to hide the damage of not wearing sunscreen in my twenties and the natural wrinkles that most women my age have also developed. I style my hair to cover up the grays no hair dye will hide. Then I face a day where others opinions reshape me once again. By the time the day ends I feel like a blob of clay that is imprinted with knuckles from sometimes harsh words, negative interactions, somebody’s lack of patience (or my own), and failing to meet my inner drive for perfection. So many days I fall asleep with anxiety over everything I did wrong or heard I did wrong that day. Even when others compliment me, one person’s “constructive criticism” will be the instant replay I allow to mold me. We are all ever changing, ever being molded by God, ourselves and others.

What happens to playdough if it’s not cared for properly? It hardens and can no longer be molded. If we aren’t careful we too can harden. Hardening to others’ opinions of us can sound like a wise choice in setting boundaries and protecting ourselves. My coping mechanism of stonewalling is a form of hardening. But the fact is, it can close us off to hearing others correct us in love. I will admit I have been guilty of this. Thankfully, because I can overthink things, I am able to process when my stonewalling is in fact setting a boundary and when I have alienated someone who was speaking the truth in love. When the latter happens, as hard as it is for me to admit I’m wrong, I will seek forgiveness and work harder to listen with an open heart. That’s a time where I let the Lord mold me again. Anytime we are humbling ourselves to seek another’s forgiveness is a moment when God is refining us in His image.

Another form of hardening that is a dangerous level is when we don’t allow God to mold us. The bible warns us that when that happens, “…he who hardens his heart will fall into calamity.” (Proverbs 28:14b ESV) Another word for calamity is disaster. Hardening our hearts to God=GREAT DISASTER! I could list so many scriptures to back that sentence up but this post would never end. Instead I will say if you don’t know this concept already, read your Bible, google verses about “great disaster” and calamity and see for yourself just how damaging life can be when we the clay stop allowing our Potter to mold us. Just as playdough cannot form itself, we will remain a useless blob if we don’t allow our Potter to form us.

But back to the “You’re” phrases. Are you told you’re “too sensitive”, “too strong-willed”, “too perfect”, “too flawed”, “too lazy”, “too hardworking”, an “overachiever”, “overthinker”, “overweight” or some other “too” “over”, etc.? You know what you really are? You’re extra! What does that mean? It means you’re guacamole. Guacamole comes from a hardened avocado after it’s softened and hand smashed. Seasonings are added to give it just the right amount of flavor. If you’re extra, that means God has taken your hardened heart, softened it and added just the amount of pizzazz to make you fabulous. Some people will love you, some people may hate you. People that love guacamole always want extra and those that love you are gonna love all the extra fabulousness inside of you too! God is our potter, we are His clay. Let God keep molding you and embrace your extra! After all, in the book of Psalms, David reminds us we are all “fearfully and wonderfully made.” We can’t get anymore extra than that!

Calming Life’s Storm

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”  Psalm 27:13 NIV

In the midst of a world pandemic we are surrounded by scary statistics, rising death tolls, overcrowded hospitals, limited medical supplies, etc.  We’re told the safest place to be is home.  People wear masks and other personal protection equipment when they have to go to public places.  Personally, I have even resorted to “washing” my groceries before bringing them in the house.  Why?  Because our world is fighting against the spread of a scary and unpredictable virus that continues to wreak havoc and steals our hope and our freedoms.

Life, as we know it, has been put on pause for an indefinite time period.  People have temporarily lost their jobs due to businesses closing down.  High school seniors lost the last few months of their high school careers because school buildings closed in mid-March and have been ordered to remain closed for the duration of the school year.  Spring athletes like baseball players and track stars will have no season this year.  Weddings have been cancelled or rescheduled.  Family gatherings are halted.  Grandparents can’t see their grandchildren except through their picture window or via video technology.  It’s as if the world itself has stopped turning and is standing still on its axle.

For many, this sudden change in lifestyle, cancellation of plans and loss of  tradition has brought much despair.  Others wrestle with anxiety while trying to hold their family together with little or no income.  Still for others it brings anger, resentment, sadness and even fear.   Watching TV or scrolling through social media only adds to these emotions due to the barrage of false and overly exaggerated information that pours through both media channels.  Even in the comfort of our homes we cannot escape the eerie silence and chaotic noise of COVID-19.  It’s almost like that dreary calm in nature when the skies are dark and the trees are motionless just before the madness strikes as a destructive storm blows through.

I can imagine the disciples knew that exact dread and fear when their boat sailed right into a deadly storm.  Mark 4:37 describes it as a “furious squall…that broke the waves over the boat making them nearly swamped.” (NIV)  I  imagine twelve men scurrying around, panicked doing everything that can to keep the boat from sinking.  Although verse 38 tells us they ran to Jesus asking Him to save them, based on their history of unbelief, I think they tried to save themselves before running to Jesus.  Here’s the kicker of this story.  Jesus was in the stern, SLEEPING!  When the disciples woke Him, He stood up, “rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ (verse 39) Then He said to His disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

I think Jesus could be asking Christians of today’s world these same two questions-Why are we so afraid?  Do we still have NO faith?  Does His word mean nothing to us when we need it most?  Jesus reminds us in John 16:33 that “in this world [we] will have trouble. But take heart! [Jesus] has over come the world.”  In Deuteronomy 31:6, God told His chosen people to “be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake.”

We do not have to be afraid or in dread of a deadly disease.  We can be at peace through this tumultuous whirlwind the Coronavirus has brought upon us.  We do not have to entertain anger, despair, grief or fear.  We can choose joy, gladness, gratitude and hope.  How? Taking His word for the very truth that it is and standing on scripture that combats every negative emotion that floods our spirits.

Are you angry because your plans have been ruined and you feel stuck at home?  God’s word says “…human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:20.  Ecclesiastes 7:9 warns to “not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”  Instead of anger, God tells us to “Consider it pure joy…whenever we face trials of many kinds because…the testing of [our] faith produces perseverance.” (James 1:2-3 NIV)  We combat anger with choosing joy.

Are you anxious because you’ve lost your job, maybe have no income and unsure how you will meet your family’s basic needs?  God is our Provider.  In fact, in Matthew 6: 25-27 (NIV), we are told this; “Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body…is not life more than food…? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet [our] Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are [we] not of more value than [those birds]? Which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” Worrying doesn’t grow a money tree or put food on your table.  But prayer and faith can.  We don’t have to have big faith either, just the faith the size of a mustard seed.  Isn’t that ironic?

Have the cancellation of milestone events (graduations, weddings, etc.) left you grieving what you or your loved one are missing out on?  Are you crumpled in a pit of despair?  Grab on to hope and don’t let go.  1 Peter 5:10 promises us this: “The God of all grace, who called [us] to His eternal glory in Christ, after [we] have suffered a little while, will Himself restore [us] and make [us] strong, firm and steadfast.” Milestone events may not happen exactly as were planned or even in the traditional manner we looked forward to.  But that doesn’t mean they will not happen.

If it’s a part of God’s plan, it will happen.  Sarah and Abraham are the perfect example of that.  Sarah’s dream of becoming a mother fell to the wayside as she grew to be past the child bearing age.  She “thought outside the box” even and tried manufacturing her own family using Haggar. But God’s plan was for Sarah to bear a child, not adopt one.  Even though Sarah laughed at God’s promise, Hebrews 11:11 tells us that “by faith…Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered Him faithful who made the promise.”  Sarah laughed at God-clearly her faith was the size of a mustard seed.  BUT-God is a god of His word and He always keeps His promises.

Lastly, have you been paralyzed by fear-fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of this virus itself?  Then memorize these scriptures and follow these commands!

     1.) “Do not fear..when you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not [even] set you ablaze.” (Isaiah 43:1-2)

2.) “Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discourage for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

3.) “Tell everyone who is discouraged, be strong and don’t be afraid! God is coming to your rescue…” (Isaiah 35:4

4.) “Do not be afraid…The Lord your God Himself will fight for you.” (Deuteronomy 3:22)

5.)  “...do not be afraid, just believe.” (Mark 5:36)

God is in control.  God is bigger than COVID-19.  This pandemic did not surprise Him.  I do not know His “why” for this world crisis but as He tells us in Isaiah 55:8; His thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are His ways the same as our ways.  He doesn’t call us to find the “why” in every situation.  He calls us to trust Him and take Him at His word. He also calls us to obey His word.  Right now I believe, He is telling us to “Be still and know that He is God.” (Psalm 46:10)

In the end of this terribly long pause, God will be exalted among the nations.  Until then, we can stave off anger, despair, grief and fear by  setting our minds on things above and turning off the earthly things.  When the news and social media posts feel like cataclysmic waves crashing into you life’s boat, remember these strategies and trust that just like he did for the disciples, Jesus is calming this life storm too.

Do You Trust Me?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I have felt stuck on a hamster wheel going nowhere for far too long. Everyday feels like another battle of jumping on the wheel exhausting every ounce of energy I have only to end up in the same place, worn out and disappointed. Every time I see what appears to be an open door to get me off this hamster wheel I run harder and faster only to watch someone else go through the door and close it behind them.

I’m gonna get real and confess I am so tired of closed doors! I want off this daggone hamster wheel and actually moving forward thriving like some preachers tell us God wants us to be doing. Last night I stopped running in place and prayed a very angry prayer to God demanding I be moved out of the pit and into the promotion in life I long for. I pulled out all the stops too. I reminded Him of how faithful I’ve been and how hard I’ve worked to learn the lessons He’s teaching me on this hamster wheel journey. I also reminded Him of how old I was and that I wasn’t getting any younger so this whole “waiting” thing and trusting His perfect timing no longer resonates well. I lastly reminded Him that I’ve even made efforts to fix my mistakes.

At one point I was so angry I actually told God that I didn’t want to speak to Him. Of course I just kept rambling though. A few minutes later I demanded to hear from Him. No more silent treatment. But the only thing I heard was my own sobs. So I picked up my phone, checked my Bible app and turned to Proverbs 3. I read verses 5 and 6 and cringed. Sounds completely sacreligious to cringe over scripture doesn’t it? Well I cringed because God tends to send me that specific scripture when His answer to my prayer is a big fat “NO!” I throw my temper tantrums and His response Is simply, “Trust in Me and do not rely on your understanding. Acknowledge Me and I will make your paths straight.” Grrrrrrrrrr!

But then I read farther in Proverbs 3 including verse 11; “My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline and don’t be upset when He corrects you.” Double Grrrrrrrrrr! How does a person NOT get upset when they’re being disciplined? In my anger I envisioned a callous God with His back against me completely ignoring my cries.

At one point in my prayer rant last night I actually said “You are not the God I know and love right now.” WHOA! Right? Some might think “That’s awfully bold!” Others reading this may think “Who is she to speak to God in such an irreverent manner?” Those words were spoken in a moment of deep disappointment and feeling of great defeat. Those words were spoken to a god who had turned his back away from me. Those words were not spoken to the real God.

You see in my moment of despair, I saw satan’s version of God. But God, through His word showed me who He really is. Even when He tells us “no”, that no may be firm but it’s gentle and it always comes with a “trust Me” after it. God is our Heavenly Father and just like we parents tell our children “no” from time to time, a parent’s no is always for our child’s own good, even if it’s a form of discipline.

I went to bed last night with only this prayer said “I’m sorry for my angry prayer.” My heart was still stubborn so it was all I could offer. I woke up this morning and read this verse; ““So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you!” Hebrews‬ ‭10:35‬ ‭NLT‬‬ God again sending me a reminder to trust Him. Notice one thing-God was not shaken by my rant. He also-did not ignore me in spite of my spoiled brat meltdown. He will not ignore you either. God loves you and me even when we don’t agree or accept how He handles us or how He answers our prayers.

I don’t like being told no. I don’t like being disciplined. I don’t like this hamster wheel I’m metaphorically running on. Heck-I don’t like to exercise at all. Ha! Ha! But I have to obey God’s directive which is simply to trust Him. So do you. What areas in your life are you struggling to trust Him in? If your heart is angry, so mine has been too. God is so faithful in forgiving a repentant heart and He is faithful to His word. Do you trust Him? It’s what He’s calling you (and me) to do.

March 14, 2023 Update-

God wasn’t telling me “No” back then. He was telling me to wait. Just two short months after this post-He opened a door I had been begging for. Don’t misinterpret His “wait” as a “no.”

While you wait, seek discernment between discipline and pruning. When I wrote this post, I believed the enemy’s lie that God was forever disciplining me. I believed I had to achieve a certain level of sinlessness in order for God to answer my prayers. That is 100% false!

If God is walking with you through a waiting season it could be for the purpose of discipline but most likely, He’s pruning what cannot go with you or what is holding you back from all He has in place for you. The sooner you surrender to a pruning season, the sooner He can do His work and move you into the promised land He has created just for you.

May God’s glory and truth prevail as you persevere through your waiting season…

Moving Slow but Working Hard

“Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised.”

Hebrews 6:15NLT

My freshman year of college I lived on the 4th floor of Robinson Hall.  This dormitory had no elevators, only stairs-many, many flights of stairs.  There’s a “freshman 15” saying referencing the amount of weight you gain your first year of college.  The amount of times I went up and down those stairs on a daily basis I am confident I lost fifteen pounds and then some.  Along with the stair climbing you had to walk across campus multiple times a day for classes, meals, etc.  For a girl who at one point lived across the street from her high school, this world of walking a country mile and climbing stairs that equated to scaling the Empire State Building on a daily basis was a tad much.  It was even worse when I was running late.  Speed walking doesn’t get you to class much faster than normal walking and even at eighteen years old, my knees were not built for running, especially carrying several textbooks on my back.  Have to admit, twenty plus years later, I think my freshman year of college was a mini boot camp for this diva.

After I graduated college, I moved back home.  I had big dreams to change the world and ended up with a minimum wage job at a retail store.  My college relationship ended and I found myself partying multiple times a night.  I found a job that was a remote fit to my degree but it wasn’t stable and it wasn’t satisfying.  I came to a realization that I was going in circles.  Going in circles gets you nowhere. Going in circles, simply makes you dizzy.  I took out a map and I picked a city to move to.  About six months later, I was settling in to a city seven hours away from home only knowing two people in the entire area.  I secured a job in the downtown area and gained many lifelong friendships from working there.  I also walked a lot.  You see, in most cities, there are parking structures that cost money to park.  People who worked downtown typically would spend $40-80 plus in monthly parking fees.  Paying for parking was a foreign thing for this small town girl.  So I found free parking, on the outskirts of a rougher part of the city, and I would walk about six blocks to my office in high heels.  At lunch time I would walk a round trip of about another six blocks to grab a meal and eat it at the office.  On the weekends my friends and I again would walk from bar to bar to go dancing.  You basically drove to the downtown area, just to walk to where you needed to go.

It’s been seventeen years since I’ve moved back to my home state.  Where I live, walking to work or to get my kids to school or even to the grocery story is only a possibility if you’re in the shape of marathon runner.  In fact, the only extensive walking I do now is 1-3 times a week on my lunch break as a form of exercise.  Other than that, I am driving every place we need to go.  Now, walking isn’t a form of transportation, it’s simply a form of exercise.

I have been battling with car repairs and unreliable vehicles for the past decade.  Since moving into the home I’ve raised my children in the past 10 years, I have owned four vehicles.  Each one has needed multiple repairs and each one has left me stranded a time or two.  Some repairs have been routine needs like new brakes or tires.  Others have been incredibly expensive and/or major safety issues.  Each one causes a great stress in figuring out where to get it fixed, how to pay for it and how to get to work and other places I need to go while the vehicle is being repaired.  At some point, the repairs get to be more than the vehicle is worth and then I pray extensively for the Lord to provide a better, more reliable and more affordable vehicle.  Each time, God answers.

Two years ago, God provided me with the nicest vehicle I’ve owned in several years.  This vehicle seemed to fit all my needs and even handles very well on bad wintry roads.  It’s needed a few repairs here and there but it’s all been routine maintenance until last year.  At the beginning of the year, I noticed a loud banging sound when I would drive over bumps. I kept checking the area where the sound was coming from and couldn’t see what would be causing it.  One day I got to my office, checked it again and discovered my entire wheel well was broken.  If you know anything about vehicles, the wheel well holds the rear shock into place.  If the well is broken, the shock bangs up and into the trunk area of your vehicle.  Not only is this a safety issue but it’s an expensive repair.

A family member did a free weld repair on it first.  This lasted several months and I was incredibly grateful.  However, in December of last year, the weld broke and replacing the wheel well was unavoidable.  It was Christmas time and very cold outside.  It was also the time of year where it’s dark until about 8am and dark again around 6pm.  My commute to/from work is 70 miles (112 kilometers) and given the time of year, walking to work daily wasn’t a realistic option.  Neither was driving my vehicle in the condition it was in. Given that fact that is was also Christmas time, financially speaking, this kind of car repair would break the bank as they say.  I prayed a lot.  I cried a bit and I reached out to others for prayer and help.  God answered in a mighty way. My vehicle was repaired, I was provided a loaner vehicle while mine was in the shop, my children had an overwhelmingly abundant Christmas and I suddenly found myself in a position to bless a family in need with an abundant Christmas also.  All this happened in a three-week period.  All this happened because God used friends and family and other avenues to provide for my children and me.

About a month ago, my car broke down on the freeway.  It actually just shut down as I was traveling.  Fortunately, it was a slow motion occurrence where I was able to safely pull to the side of the road before losing my brakes and power steering.  I couldn’t get it started for a bit.  It was raining and vehicles were passing me at speeds high enough to shake my vehicle as they went by.  I prayed and asked God for help.  Tried to start the vehicle again with no success.  This happened a few times and I found myself quickly losing my patience.  At one point the high maintenance diva side of me came out and I actually asked God this, “Do you expect me to walk down the freeway, in the rain, in my high heels? Is that what you’re expecting me to do right now?”  He answered by starting my vehicle and getting me to a safe park N ride area.  I was able to call my mechanic who arranged for a tow truck and delivered me a loaner car to get me home that night.  My car was repaired the very next day.  I thanked God for His continued provision and embarrassingly humbled myself when I thought about those who walk in the rain without shoes because they have no other means of transportation and cannot even afford a pair of shoes.  Who was I that I thought I was too important to walk in the rain in heels?

The past two weeks I have battled yet again with another needed repair.  This time, it’s a second broken wheel well.  This one is worse than the first.  The Lord provided the financial means to repair this one rather quickly, however, the body shop doesn’t have an opening to fix it for three weeks.  I drove the vehicle (after consulting with professionals who said it was ok) for the first week.  However, the noises grew increasingly louder and the damage worsened.  I tried to get the repair done sooner with no luck.  I reached out to a few friends for a possible loaner vehicle, with no luck either.  I prayed asking God to show me what to do for transportation over the next two weeks until I could get my car into the shop.  I didn’t ask nicely, mind you.  I had a world class toddler style meltdown over the whole thing.  In fact, I remember two things I prayed out of anger in that moment-1.)  I told God I didn’t want to learn whatever lesson He was trying to teach me and 2.) I was deeply disappointed in His method right then.  I even tried venting to two people I trusted and was told I was venting to the wrong people.  It was a whirlwind moment of deep discouragement.  My frustration grew as I could feel God going silent-just letting me have my rant.   In December God overwhelmed me with help.  This time, it felt like I had been left alone to figure it out.

But then He answered.  He answered by sending a family member to look at the vehicle once again and advising me on how long I could drive it.  He answered by providing transportation for my kids to get to/from school and by giving a dear friend a willing heart to drive me to/from work.  He answered by the generosity of another friend who loaned me a vehicle for this entire weekend.  Although I don’t have a solid plan for this upcoming week regarding transportation, I know He will answer because He promised to take care of my children and me and God is faithful in keeping His promises.

Now, if you’re still reading this, you might be asking, what do car repairs and where I lived in college have in common.  My answer would be this: turtles.  You see my freshman year of college, 4th floor Robinson Hall had t-shirts designed for each resident.  The shirts had a couple turtles on the front and the back read, “4th Floor, Robinson Hall, Moving Slow but Working Hard.”  I was reminded of this motto this week when I watched a turtle attempting to cross a busily traveled country road.   I actually found myself asking God to please help that turtle make it safely across.  Then I thought about how slowly turtles move.  There is no rush or urgency in a turtle.  They simply were not built to move quickly.

Turtles crossing the road is very common where I live.  Many times, humans intervene by picking up the turtles and moving them out of the road in an effort to save them from getting smooshed by vehicles.  But other times, the turtle has to get across the road by the grace of God only because there is no human intervention.  That was the case of this particular turtle.  Nobody was stopping to help it.  I saw a few cars drive around it and hoped anyone encountering it would do the same.  Aside from darting cars, from the outside looking in, that turtle was on its own to make it safely to where he or she was journeying to.

In life, and especially when dealing with a broken down vehicle, I feel like a turtle.  I can see where I need to go, I can develop a plan on how to get there, I usually choose the shortest route possible and then race off to the finish line.  That’s when I encounter delays or other roadblocks that slow my pace down or bring me to a sudden stop.  Delays and roadblocks trigger my impatience.  There are things in my life,-plans, goals, etc.-that I want to happen in hare speed, not turtle speed (if you’re not familiar with the Tortoise and the Hare story this analogy may not makes sense so google “The Tortoise and the Hare” for a better understanding.)  I especially get impatient when I know how to get something done but delay puts me in a position where I cannot get it down on my timeline and I have to depend on others for help during the waiting process.  I am a very impatient waiter (unlike Abraham who waited “patiently” and received the Lord’s promise.”   God knows this.  He also knows I learn best when He answers with “daily manna” instead of delivering everything I ask for all at once.  Because this year is the year He is developing my character to reflect how He designed me to be, He is slowing my life down to turtle speed, putting me in positions to be dependent upon others and in position to be totally dependent upon Him.

I’m gonna be real right now and admit that this form of character building, I. Do, Not. Like.  But God tells us in James 1:2-4 to “count it all joy…when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let the steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (ESV).”  The NLT version uses the word “endurance” instead of steadfastness.  This word “endurance” is also found in Romans 5:3. “we can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.” Verse 4 ties it all together with this; “And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation (NLT,)”  Instead of acting like a toddler, God gently reminds me that I should be rejoicing through these trials because He merely developing more of my character through them.

If you’re going through a trial, even something as trivial as lack of transportation, remember this-God uses all circumstances to refine us, especially the ones He knows will really put us through the test.  Our fiery furnace doesn’t have to be something major.  It could be taking the same “test” over and over again until we learn to not let that circumstance rattle us.  Maybe your test is a different financial struggle, dealing with a toxic person, having the same argument with your spouse with no resolution in sight, struggling with a rebellious child or something more intense like battling with a life threatening illness or job loss.  Whatever the circumstance, you may be feeling like you’re going in circles, this journey seems endless, God is silent and your trying to walk through heavy traffic (get through this situation) at a turtle’s speed.  There will be times you will feel like God uses others to pick you up and carry you to where you need to be quickly.  Other times in this journey you will feel like everyone is bypassing you and you’re at the mercy of your own strength to get across that road.  Just remember this, whether a human moves that turtle or the turtle makes it across because travelers choose to swerve and avoid it, God’s divine intervention is what truly gets that turtle safely across the road.  No matter how God delivers your miracle, know this-it’s coming from God, in His time and in His way.  Don’t give others more credit than they deserve and don’t be a hare trying to rush through life on your own.  It’s in the turtle speed that we notice more around us and are even gifted moments of pausing (like when you’re waiting for someone to pick you up.)  You’d be amazed at how beautiful life truly is when you’re not rushing and you’re not rattled.  You just keep going, moving slowly but working hard.  You do what you can, and then trust God to do the rest.

One last note-as each vehicle passed that turtle, it never once stopped or hid in its shell.  It kept its eyes toward the direction it was heading and it kept moving forward. That is the epitome of unshakable faith.  When we’re faced with delays, roadblocks or feel like we’re metaphorically trying to cross a road through heavy traffic, there’s a confident trust we can exude by keeping our eyes focused on where God is leading.  We must continue to move forward believing He will get us to the other side completely unharmed.  God used that turtle to teach me this:  I can look at the problem and worry about how to solve it-or I can look to Jesus and trust Him to bring the solution even if it means hours, days, weeks or years of roadblocks and delays.  God used Abraham’s journey as a testimony that He is never late but always on time in delivering His promises, even delivering car repairs.

A Thousand Reasons to Smile

“When they were discouraged, I smiled at them. My look of approval was precious to them.”  Job 29:24 NLT

Discouragement is a not just a long fancy word for a spelling bee-for many people it can be a state of mind and even a state of living.  Some people live a “murphy’s law” kind of life-you know-they’re the ones that if something awful is going to happen, it’ll most likely happen to them.  Some even refer to themselves as a jinx or being cursed.   They may even make jokes about their “bad luck” but deep down inside they’re living in a pit of discouragement.

Discouragement is such an easy pit to fall into too.  That person who busted their tail for a promotion only to see themselves get passed over for Slacker Steve can entertain discouragement without even knowing it.  That football team who trained hard only to lose because of bad refereeing (yes I said it-and yes it does happen) can throw a discouragement party that may trickle into the following game or effect their whole season if they let it.  That girl who dreams of being married but rarely gets asked out on a date-she can easily be the next contestant in the pageant of discouragement.

Discouragement usually starts with a disappointing event or from expectations not being met.  How we handle it all happens in our minds.  If we dwell on the disappointment or loss discouragement grows.  Dwelling too long on that feeling can build a whole addition to our hearts and minds just for discouragement to live.  The more we dwell, the more discouraged we feel, the deeper we sink into the pit.

We don’t have to entertainment discouragement though.  We should acknowledge the disappointment or loss most definitely.  But how we take it from there becomes a battlefield in our minds.  For a lot of people negative thoughts come naturally and thinking positively is a deliberate act they have to willfully choose to combat the negativity.  I know because I am one of those stinkin’ thinkers.

When I was growing up it seemed as though every time I hoped for something it wouldn’t happen.  I convinced myself to have no expectations or to expect the worst so there’d be no disappointment.  This type of coping skill carried on well into my adult years and effected so much of who I was including my relationships and friendships.  In church I’d sing the song, “Count your many blessings, name them one by one…” but inside I was thinking, “Count my blessings?  Yeah right.  What’s there to feel blessed about?”  Did I mention discouragement brings along a roommate named bitterness? Due to entertaining discouragement for so long, I lived a very bitter life for many years.

Thankfully, God kept peeling away my layers by sending me people who could see past my bitterness and deep within my heart.  Through these people God showed me how blessed I truly am.  He also showed me how I can combat discouragement and break free from bitterness. One way-I bless others every chance I get.  With every store clerk, restaurant server and stranger I meet, I am diligent in wishing them a blessed day before parting.  Most customer service people will tell you to “have a nice day” in a canned computerized voice because it’s routine to them.  It’s like someone saying thank you and you saying “you’re welcome” without knowing why you’re being thanked. It’s just an automatic thing. But when I respond with, “Have a blessed day”, they’re whole demeanor changes-I watch slumped over tired minimum wage workers stand a little taller, their faces brighten and their smiles become sincere.  They’re tone of voice softens and they tend to say, “thank you-you too” genuinely.  Suddenly, it’s as if those four simple words made them realize they matter and are worthy of being blessed.  When I first started this I was slightly embarrassed but now I can’t wait to check out, just so I can be a blessing to their day.

The second way God is freeing me from discouragement and bitterness is in reminding me there’s always a reason to smile.  No matter what is happening in your life or mine-there’s always a reason to smile.  Even in the deepest of grief from losing your greatest love, feeling panicked because the bills keep getting bigger but your income keeps getting smaller, or feeling helpless because your infant child is in ICU struggling to breathe and the doctors can’t figure out why-God can show us a reason to smile.  It’s what Paul meant when he wrote, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13 NLT)  Paul wrote this when he was in prison-imprisoned for preaching the Word of God and nothing more.

To avoid discouragement-I am making a list of a thousand reasons to smile.  If I ever make it to 1,000 then I’ll change the title to a Million Reasons to Smile and keep going.  Writing this list retrains my mind to squash negativity and remain positive.  It also reminds me that God is faithful and His plans for me remain good no matter what is happening around me.  Today’s list would be this:

  • My daughter telling me about her English assignment where she had to choose a fictional character she would want to be her parent. She chose Lorelei Gilmore (from the Gilmore Girls-a show we watch together) because she said the character is exactly like me, her actual mom.
  • Watching my son tackle an opponent who was bigger than him and recover a fumble in his opening football game.
  • Watching my daughter perform for the third time during the varsity half-time show with the high school marching band.
  • Having my baby brother and his wife home to attend both of my children’s events this week.
  • Getting an unexpected bonus at work.
  • Getting a phone call from a stranger thanking me for participating in a specific ministry and encouraging me to keep ministering to others.
  • Having a co-worker thank me for encouraging her.
  • Being able to bless another co-worker with Subway after sitting through a difficult meeting.
  • Taking a nap and watching movies while doing laundry on a rainy Saturday.
  • Blessing others through this blog…

Whether you’re having a “murphy’s law” kind of day or week, or have experienced so much disappointment your drowning in a pit of discouragement I want to encourage you to find a reason to smile today.  Then start your own “A Thousand Reasons to Smile” list and join me in counting those many blessings, naming them one by one.  As the rest of the song goes-it will surprise you what the Lord has done.