“And they will go to others and say, ‘I have sinned, I have perverted what is right, but I did not get what I deserved. God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life. God does all these things to a person-twice, even three times—to turn them back from the pit, that the light of life may shine on them.” Job 33:27-30
This month, I was facing a $439 deficit that included having to purchase very much needed tires for my vehicle. I had no idea where the money was going to come from. I figured a budget multiple times, and spent a few sleepless nights waking at 2am in a panic wondering how I was going to manage to cover the added expenses without falling behind on my other bills. I prayed and then I worried, prayed-then worried.
Then I did something else-while I was still worrying, I texted many people asking them to pray for me and for God’s provision. Asking others to pray for me is a challenge because I wrestle with pride and although I love to help others, I hate being in a position to ask for help. But I asked, and they prayed. And God delivered.
The week after Mother’s Day, I found a $100 bill in my purse. $100 is NOT something I would easily forget and would panic if I lost so I knew it was not money I had placed there. I learned a darling friend, knowing my prideful heart, slipped it into my purse. She knew I wouldn’t accept an outright offer and would feel embarrassed and ashamed. (I had another friend offer to send me the whole $439 but my pride would not let me accept the offer.) I praised God for the $100 blessing but still worried about where the rest would come from.
Time came where I had to get my tires. I have a Christian mechanic who knows my situation and graciously offered to let me make payments on the purchase of my tires. When I went in to discuss the payment plan, the officer manager lowered the price of the original quote he gave me saying he was going to make no money off the tires he was selling me. I thanked him for discounting the price even more. This meant less I would have to make payments on. Two days later I had the new tires placed on my vehicle. I walked into the office and was greeted by the owner of the auto shop whom I’ve become friends with as we attended a 9 month training together recently. I reminded the owner I was on a payment plan. He handed me a receipt showing $0 balance and told me I didn’t owe him anything. He wanted to gift me the tires.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I was so overwhelmed with this generosity, not even my pride could keep me from crying in front of him. As he hugged me, I told him I couldn’t possibly accept such an elaborate gift. My whole being just felt I didn’t possibly deserve such a gift. He said he wanted to bless me but if I wasn’t comfortable accepting it then I could pay him. Before I could respond, the company phone rang and he answered it. While he was on the phone, another line started ringing. He was the only one in the office so I offered to help him out by answering the second phone call. He handed me the phone. When the two phone calls were taken care, to appease my pride I jokingly told him I had just worked off the tires so I felt better in receiving his gift. We both laughed and I left the auto shop with a brand new set of tires and a heart filled with an unexplainable awe of God’s goodness and love for me.
Driving home I heard Sidewalk Prophets, But You Loved Me Any Way. As I sang along to the radio, between sobs I belted out these words:
“I am a thorn in Your crown, But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway
“See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with the smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life…”
I didn’t deserve any of the blessings God bestowed on me this month. In fact, I don’t deserve any blessing He has ever given. I fail Him every single day. I start my mornings reading His word and praying only to lose my temper and drop an F-bomb before I walk out the door. That’s not even a dent in the long list of sins I have committed and will commit in my lifetime. But God loves me, anyway.
Many scriptures tell us God’s love is unconditional. But it’s only when I receive blessings I don’t deserve that I gain a better understanding of what ‘unconditional’ means. With every undeserved blessing a piece of pride is plucked from within me, my heart is humbled a little more and I find myself offering greater grace to others because of God’s grace and mercy offered to me. All praise, glory and honor are lifted up to my Father in Heaven, who is my Great Provider and does not give me what I deserve but delivers me time and time again from going down in the pit. I know He will do the same for you too because trust me, I’m nobody special. But to God, I’m worth dying for, and so are you.