Author: LeahDawnRoot29

Even If…

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“…We do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter…the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will…but even if He does not…we will not serve your gods…” Daniel 3:16-18 NIV

Did you know self-healing is a false god? The desire to be healed is not wrong but trying to heal ourselves or someone else is. Why? Because there is only one God, one Healer, and He ain’t we.

In January of 2023, I rang in the new year in such a heap of depression that I didn’t eat for three days. On day 3 I realized I had been bombarded with old wounds I thought I had healed from. I was grieving past relationships that had ended a decade prior and those wounds threw me into a deep trench of despair and self-pity. On the third day I snapped out of it, made myself eat and decided I needed to embark on a healing journey that would close all past wounds once and for all. I read a book on control, poured myself into gym workouts and other self-improvements. However, life had other plans and 2023 turned out to be a year of severe heartache, major upheaval and much unknown. By August I was worn out from fighting battles in my own strength. I allowed a root of bitterness to grow but wasn’t even aware of this weed’s existence. I found myself so angry with God that I refused to pray or read a single word from my Bible. I lashed out at friends and at one point believed I was just going to have to heal alone. It would be a year later before I would finally allow God to soften what I had hardened and begin to seek Him and His will once again.

My desire to heal was not wrong. Most likely it was a revelation from God. But instead of allowing God to heal me, I took matters into my own hands. When I embarked on this journey of healing, I naively thought it would only take a self-help book or two, and a few prayers filled with surface-level surrender. From a timeline perspective, I figured this would be just a month or two kind of process and I would finally be freed from these wounds. Those lies led to failure. Here’s where I failed. I trusted in a road map that I created with directions from a false narrative I had written instead of beginning this journey in the posture of prayer, practicing complete stillness and fully surrendering my will to God’s. If ever a year had lessons, 2023 not only shook my faith, it uprooted the mustard seed revealed just how conditional my trust in God was.

I’ve watched many sermons and read many devotions on trusting God even if; even if He doesn’t answer our prayers the way we expect and beg Him to. We are called to worship Him even if He doesn’t come through the way we believed He would. I’ve even heard testimony of others praising God when His answer was “no.” Instead of putting this into practice, when God has told me no or answered my prayers differently than I had planned, I argue, wrestle and give Him the silent treatment. I have even cussed in my prayers and demanded God to say “yes” to whatever it was I was begging of Him to do. In an effort to ward off total unbelief, I would declare a refusal to quit believing in His existence but truth be told, I do quit believing in His goodness and His perfect will. I question every word He has promised all of us and forget that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). Every time hardship arrives, I put my own heart desires before His plan. Instead of saying, “even if”, I worship the false gods named “Doubt”, “Fear” and “Despair.” But there’s another even if I forget also. My God’s love for me never fails, even when my love for and trust in Him does.

What is your even if? What situations or circumstances in your life have shaken your faith, uprooted your mustard seed or turned you away from God? As you read this, I pray it challenges you to two things: 1.) Trust God even if He doesn’t defend or rescue you and 2.) Remember that God loves you even when your love is dependent upon how He intervenes in your life. Today may we all recommit ourselves to trusting, loving and worshipping God, even if…

Just Be “In The Moment”

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“‘For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'” Jeremiah 29:11 AMP

“Something bad is going to happen.”

“I can hope for the best, but I need to plan for the worst”

“What does God have planned for me?”

“Is this God’s plan?”

“This can’t be God’s plan?”

“I’m going to fail God’s plan.”

These are examples of the fearful thinking that overwhelms my mind on a daily basis. A crisis doesn’t need to be present, most days, these thoughts simply hit me out of nowhere. I take anxiety medication to help me function but the medication doesn’t make these thoughts go away. They’re especially present when I believe a God has a specific plan for me but I’ve yet to see it happen. These thoughts emotionally paralyze me when it seems as though what I was believing God for, is never going to happen.

The opposite of fearful thinking is extreme forward thinking. This is a maneuver I rely on as a way to combat the anxiety fearful thinking stirs up. Some would say planning ahead is a good thing and I definitely agree. Having a plan A and even a plan B (that back-up plan in case plan A goes south) is a what some would identify as a form of responsible thinking. However, going further with the creation of plans C – Z is extreme forward thinking. Plans A-Z and beyond have been my mode of operation throughout my adult life.

If you operate in this capacity, you, like me, may also pray fervently for God to not only tell you about His plans, but demand that He reveal them in a specific way. In fact, you may grow impatient with His perceived aloofness, especially when He doesn’t answer you with a mind-blowing revelation as soon as you say “Amen.” You may even try to control how He reveals His plans through various signs, or meditating on scriptures that you think will lead to the answer you’re seeking. This may turn your prayers into demands of a step-by-step action plan that resembles a Gantt chart of your entire life’s events. If you’re unfamiliar with a Gantt chart, it’s a project management tool in Excel that allows the planner to list the action steps needed to deploy a plan, in order of operation, and includes date ranges for each step that establish a timeline allowing the planner to track their progress. If only the Bible was a Gannt chart listing out God’s plans in that kind of format, am I right?

God doesn’t operate with project management tools. He doesn’t use Excel or any kind of software to map out the good work He is doing in our lives, nor does He use Google maps to show us where His plans will lead us. Although He does have a timeline He rarely reveals it to us. Should He give us a timeframe, it’s usually much longer than we would choose if we were the ones making the plans. In fact, I believe God’s timing will never match our concept of timelines.

In May or June of 2022, after believing I heard a specific word from God and that it had come to pass just a few short months after hearing this word, I found myself stressing over the future of this plan. I don’t remember the exact detail I was lamenting over, but I am certain it was a worst-case scenario type of concern. I also remember that I was displaying this level of worry during a conversation with a lifelong friend whom I believed was the answer to the word God had given me a few months earlier. I don’t remember everything this friend said that day, but I do remember one simple sentence he spoke, one sentence that interrupted all that I was fretting over. What was his simple words of wisdom? “Hey-Just be in the moment.” At the time, my brain couldn’t comprehend such a suggestion for a variety of reasons. It would be several months later, with this friend absence from my life, that God would remind me of these same words of wisdom during a commencement ceremony.

In May of 2023, I found myself sitting in an arena surrounded by fellow graduates at various degree levels and friends and family as the audience present to support all of us. I was filled with anticipation of the moment my name would be called, I would walk on stage and receive my masters degree and hooding. If I’m being honest, the anticipation was actually a hyper-focus on that specific moment that would only be a ten second part of a 2-hour ceremony. Focusing on just that blink of an eye moment, was causing to miss everything else that was happening and God knew it. He knew if I had stayed focused on just that moment, due to it being so short lived, I would experience a high level of letdown by the time I returned to my seat. That letdown would lead to missing the inexplicable joy that I felt when the ceremony ended with bursts of royal blue confetti and a powerful song of praise that left me feeling like a character in the happy ending of a pop culture musical. Amidst all the noise of echoed speeches and celebratory music blaring from the speakers, I heard God whisper, “Just be in the moment”- it was a whisper that not only reminded me of a friend I was missing but beautiful words of wisdom I needed at that exact moment. I am grateful to have heard His whisper that day and for redirecting my thoughts to each moment of that celebration. I had no idea that only a few weeks later, God’s plans would include spending the remainder of 2023 living moment to moment dealing with an unexpected life-threatening illness, false legal allegations, and uprooting my entire home to relocate to a new city.

Did you know that God spoke Jeremiah 29:11 when the Israelites’ circumstances were the complete opposite of good? They were in captivity and in Jeremiah 28, God told them they would have to wait seventy years before He would set them free. God revealed part of His plan for them and gave them a timeline but He didn’t reveal what would transpire in the seventy years of hardship they would endure. He simply reminded them that He knows the plans, they didn’t need to. The plans were good, but not given in detail. Although it didn’t look like it where they currently were, they had a future and they could hope in His word.

Yesterday God used this verse in my own life after hearing a young woman’s testimony that included clinging to Jeremiah 29:11 after the death of her brother. At a young age, this girl learned that life’s circumstances can be downright heartbreaking but God’s plans are still good no matter what is happening around us. God embedded this verse deeper when I came across a sermon on YouTube that centered around this very piece of scripture. As I listened to the teachings I couldn’t help but be reminded of that simple wisdom from a friend just three years ago. This time it came from a personal story the speaker shared. The story was about the moment this speaker found himself present in an arena for spiritual conference and God reminding him of something he had drawn in his prayer journal 45 years earlier. The drawing was a picture of a basketball court with a X just left or right of center court. At the time of the drawing, this man worked for a professional basketball chain on that very court. His job was not specific to ministry by any means. He had no idea that not only would God lead Him to starting a church when he was 50-years-old but that God’s plans would bring him back to the same basketball arena, 45 years later, sitting left or right of center court, but this time as a renown Christian leader and speaker of that very conference. God gave him a glimpse of His plans but didn’t show Him the whole picture until four and a half decades later. Isn’t uncanny how God can use a story of loss and a story of again to teach us a simple truth in one well quoted but often times, misunderstood scripture?

God has plans for me and you. His plans are good, they include hope and a future. But He’s not telling us what those plans are nor does He want us hyper focused on figuring those plans out. God wants us to trust Him in all circumstances. In fact, He instructs to do so in Philippians 4:6; Be anxious for nothing but in all circumstances, present your requests to God (paraphrased). Extreme forward thinking not only leads to anxious thoughts, it puts us in the driver seat and God in the backseat. It’s also an act of distrusting His plans. If you’re struggling with believing in God’s plans, I want to encourage you today to, delete the “project planner” you created for your life, blindly trust in Him, believe that He knows the plans He has for you, and just focus on the moment He has you in right now, today. In other words friend, stop stressing over God’s plans and Hey-just be in the moment today.

Not a “Hallmark Movie” Easter Message

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“Jesus replied, ‘You do not understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” John 13:7

About a month ago my car developed a rough idle. I made an appointment with the mechanic and received what I dreaded hearing-my car would need a $462 repair. I had just had it in the shop at the beginning of the year for a $600 brake job and was not looking forward to another repair expense so soon after the first one. Fortunately, my vehicle was still drivable, so I decided to wait until after my business trip to Chicago that I had to take in early April before scheduling the repair.

One week prior to the repair, while pulling into a grocery store parking lot, I heard a pop and hissing sound. I thought I had run over something and punctured a tire but didn’t hear any hissing when I shut the engine off and had exited my vehicle. I thought perhaps it was fluke, commenced with my shopping and then drove home. The hissing, however, was once again noticeable when I pulled into my driveway. Anxiety overtook my overthinking brain as I began to wonder what else was wrong and how much the additional repair would cost me. I had someone come to my house and diagnose the engine hissing the problem. I googled what suspension issues cause a shimmy and what the estimated cost of repairs could be because my vehicle was also experiencing some shaking when I reached certain speeds. I cancelled all plans that involved extra spending or extra driving that week and even considered just parking my car and walking everywhere. If we hadn’t had freezing rain/snow predicted for weather that week I probably would’ve chosen walking as my mode of transportation.

This past Friday I took my car in for repairs. I told the mechanic about the additional concerns and asked him to give me a quote for it all before he started any repairs. I left my vehicle at the shop and walked home. That was at 10:00 in the morning. At 1:00 in the afternoon, I called to check on the status of my vehicle. I learned they were running behind and hadn’t even looked at it yet. I thought to myself, “Great! Now I have to wait longer to know how much this is going to cost and who knows if my car will even get fixed today.” Three more hours went by and called again. Not only was my vehicle fixed but guess what the final bill of sale was…TWENTY DOLLARS! Remember that hissing sound coming from the engine that started one week earlier? What I thought was going to be an additional repair/expense, turned out to be the whole problem. I had been praying and asking God’s help over this situation but what did I ask for? Well, I only ask God to provide what my budget would not be able to cover. What did He do instead? He revealed the whole problem with one simple fix and saved me $442!

Today is Easter Sunday. For the next 24 hours, my social media is going to be flooded with photos of families in matching “church” outfits, gatherings centered around ham dinners and easter egg hunts, and “He is Risen!” posts. Churches all over the world will be preaching on Christ’s resurrection, some with smoke-filled theatrical reenactments of a stone rolling away and a boisterous choir or worship team belting out “UP FROM THE GRAVE HE AROSE…” Salvation and Christ conquering death will be the ultimate takeaways preachers will hope their flocks glean from today’s sermons. But what if Christ’s death and resurrection includes a message we are missing? What if there is an additional lesson we need to learn from Holy Week and especially from Resurrection Sunday?

Jesus’ disciples walked with him for three years and knew Him more intimately than any of His followers and probably even more than Jesus’ own mother. Yet, Jesus warned His disciples of His impending crucifixion, and they did not comprehend what He actually meant. Peter even tried to prevent Jesus from being arrested, and instead of his best friend who was under attack joining the fight, He stopped Peter and call him “satan.” Jesus preached salvation through death and resurrection before He was ever arrested, beaten and killed and although His followers believed He was God’s son, none of them understood that He was actually going to die and rise again three days later. The Old Testament prophesies about the Savior and gives hints to the people of that day of God’s ultimate plan for redemption, yet God’s chosen also could not fathom the events that actually occurred.

But then again, isn’t the Bible filled with examples of how God speaks or gives a promise, skips the details on when or how He will fulfill that promise and humans create their plans of just how that promise will be fulfilled? When the angel told Mary she would give birth to the Savior, that angel left out the gory details of what her son would endure or that His life would be the ultimate sacrifice that redeemed everyone. God told Abraham He would be the father of all nations, yet Abraham’s wife was barren and although God gave Abraham two sons, one of which was not a part of His original promise, yet Abraham never lived to see the full extent of God’s promise. God told Joseph he would govern over his brothers, but complete opposite happened first. Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery; he ended up falsely accused of a crime he did not commit and imprisoned for about 14 years. It was while he was in prison, that God fulfilled the promise He had given Joseph, in a dream, so long ago. Joseph interprets Pharoah’s dream, gets released from prison and becomes second in command. God uses Joseph’s leadership promotion to not only save Joseph’s family but also sustain an entire nation during a severe famine. God didn’t give Mary, Abraham or Joseph all the details. He just gave them a promise and expected them to trust Him without knowing how He would deliver on those promises.

Today, as you celebrate Christ’s resurrection, take time to reflect on the ways how God has redeemed your life, your circumstances or saved your family. How has His ways exceeded all of the ways you thought He would do it? Don’t be surprised if He gives you a promise and then allows really hard circumstances that look like the complete opposite as the catalyst for keeping His word. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us of God’s plans for our lives being good and His promise of a hope-filled future. But Romans 8:28 reminds us that God uses all things including, stressful, painful or circumstances we did not ask for or can humanly comprehend, for our good and His glory.

Although the salvation story and Christ conquering death are the most important takeaways one should glean on Easter Sunday, Jesus’ ministry, death and rising from the dead should also remind us that we do not serve a Hallmark movie kind of God. Our faith walk is not based on a meet-cute of God’s promise, some minor interference or unexpected plot-twist and human predictable happy endings. No, we serve a God whose ways are much higher than ours and whose deeds are beyond human comprehension. If anything, our faith walk can resemble a Lifetime Movie Network original complete with our personal Judases and Job-like experiences that include plot twists packed with betrayals and losses of people or things that can never be replaced. We pray, we believe, we fast and then the opposite happens. We experience crises or even tragedies we simply do not understand. When question what the hell God is doing, He gives us a John 13:7 answer. We are not meant to understand what He is doing while we are in the fiery furnace or lion’s den situation. It is only later, with no exact timeline of when later will be, where God will give us the details needed to grasp or comprehend what God is doing in the right now.

In spite of all the mystery and unknown, we should never cease to pray or ask God for help, to intercede on behalf of our families and to believe that God will restore what the enemy has stolen from us. What should we cease doing? Expecting God to deliver on His promises in quick, easy, nontraumatic, simplistic kinds of way. Keep standing on God’s promise He gave you and trust Him to answer, when He deems the time is right and in the very way He knows is the absolute best way. Even if it feels He is crushing you right now, He will never fail you or fail to keep His word for you and your family.

A Broken Couch, A Broken Dream and a Contrite Spirit

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“The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. (Psalms 51:17 ESV)

In 2018 I was gifted a broken couch. When I say I broken, I mean this couch is L shaped and one entire section looks like it fell off a truck and then used as a trampoline. The divots are deep and springs are even exposed. But in spite of its condition, I knew with a little bit of TLC this couch had a lot of purpose and life left in it. I was grateful to not only receive such a gift, but that the gifter delivered it in the middle of a snow storm also.

Fast forward to 2024. This couch has survived and old dog and a new puppy (who’s currently trying to eat it) and a move to a new house. With its brokenness exposed, it would’ve been easy to throw it and buy something new during the move. But I refuse to give up on this couch. It is once again being used as a trampoline. Only this time, by a nine month old puppy who’s the size of a baby moose. His favorite sport is to run circles between the two rooms with this very couch being the “bridge” in his races. Keeping this couch covered and “in order” has become a daily battle, one of which I tend to give up on leaving the one side a broken disaster. On a side note, when my pup is not running across the couch he’s digging deep down under the holes finding stray socks and Nerf darts that I presume are lost treasures from its former owners too.

Last year my family and I endured much disappointment, disaster and disbelief. My daughter contracted a rare disease that left her temporarily paralyzed and hospitalized for over two months. Meanwhile my son was fighting a different battle that threatened his future. I had to manage walking alongside both of them, fighting for them where they could not fight for themselves and still keep up with daily life duties. In the middle of all of it, we had to pack up our home of 15 years and move to a different town and a neighborhood that gave no sense of security like our old neighborhood did. By the end of the year, I felt (and probably looked) like my very beat up and broken couch. If ever there was a euphemism about damaged goods, 2023 was the year satan used my life as his personal trampoline and I was left completely broken.

By the time the 2024 came about I had deep holes and my springs were exposed. What does that look like metaphorically? Well, it means I was bitter, angry and so distrusting of God that I wore myself out making myself my own hero. Like Job and Elijah, I experienced some deep despair, including moments where I hated my life and even questioned my existence. I spent many nights asking God the same questions over and over:

Was my life meant to be just one disaster after another?

Did I deserve such heartache and deep rejection?

Why did my kids’ have to suffer too?

How was all of this hardship for our good and His glory?

Whenever I could pray (or was on speaking terms with God), I would ask Him what He wanted from me. His answer? “A broken and crushed spirit.” My only response was “Lord, it definitely feels like You’re crushing me.” When I would ask God what He wanted me to do, He always has two responses; surrender and be still. It was as if God was saying “I am crushing you. But I will restore you. Give up the control and fear you’re holding on to. Stop trying to save yourself from what I am doing within you.”

I’ve owned this couch for six years, and I’ve yet to restore it. I use pillows and blankets to cover the deep holes. This is a daily thing and everyday I tell myself I should just throw this couch out. It’s really a broken disaster and replacing it would be easier than spending the time trying to figure out how to repair it. But this couch is not beyond repair. I may have no clue how to fix it yet, but because I can see life in it, I cannot throw it away. Ironically though, I am quick to throw my belief in God’s promises away because I feel my life is too broken for God to repair and I am just too old for my dreams to ever come true now. I’ve recently learned that Job felt that way too. In Job 17:11 he laments that his “days are past, [his] plans are broken off…” (ESV) Job lost and suffered so much. His season of suffering lasted many years. But in the end God restored his life and his family. No matter how long we suffer, God is working to restore our brokenness and broken dreams too.

Friend-if you are feeling too broken today, whether it’s personally, within the context of a friendship or relationship, etc. rest assured nothing and no one is too broken for God. This life is a series of seasons, some good, some bad, some easy and some difficult and depleting. Some seasons simply leave us feeling beat-up and broken down. If you’re in that season, just remember God’s promise of restoration. When the enemy tries to convince you that you or your situation is too broken, stand on Joel 2:25 and tell that enemy that you may be broken now, but God will restore you.

Patient Enduring in the Waiting Season

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“…At the right time, I the Lord will make it happen.” Isaiah 60:22 NLT

“Trust God’s timing!“

“God is working behind the scenes.”

“God has a plan You just need to trust Him.”

“God’s timing is always perfect.”

How many times have we heard these sayings or ones like them? How many times have they been said with the best intentions (or have we ourselves said them to others) and under the most pressing of circumstances? How many times were these “catch phrases” more discouraging than encouraging?

God’s timing is perfect, and He is always working on our behalf but as Isaiah 55 reminds us, His ways are not our ways. This means when and how He moves in our lives doesn’t always happen on our timeline or in a manner we anticipate happening. How often has God spoken a promise to you thar took years to come to fruition? Frankly, I am still waiting on His promises to come to pass in my life-especially a very specific on He spoke in 2022 and two specific ones He spoke to me this year.

We all know waiting can be hard, especially when the opposite of what God speaks to us shows up instead. When this happens, we’re left questioning what God is doing, where He’s at or if we even heard him correctly. Waiting can also be hard when we see everyone else living our promises. For me-that’s the hardest. When I see others getting the promises God spoke to me, I want to rush God’s promise and bring His word to pass in my own strength and my own timing. Inevitably I wear myself out trying and end up crumpled on my couch, sobbing in a state of hopeless and despair. Where patient endurance is needed, I grow impatient and want to bypass the waiting altogether. Especially when life throws really hard things right in the middle of all of it.

Today, I observed a man walking with a cane. As he walked, he would move his cane in front of him then take two steps to catch up to where he had placed his cane. I noticed how concentrated his steps were, almost as if he were shuffling in a controlled pattern. He didn’t seem in a hurry, nor did he display any frustration toward his lack of speed. He slowly repeated this walking pattern over and over, head down and mind appearing to be contentedly concentrated on each step. His speed was the pace of a leisurely crawl even though he was walking upright.

Although I was sitting down during this observation, I anxiously wanted to get up and walk around this man as if that would somehow help him speed up his walk. At that moment, metaphorically wiggling in my seat, I felt the Holy Spirit convict me. God used this man to show me that right now, His work in my life may seem like a leisurely crawl but no matter the pace, I am going to where God wants me to be. In this particular season though, God sets a point for me and gives me only two steps at a time to move toward it. This process repeats itself daily. I don’t know where this process is leading me, but I can trust that I will get to wherever it is that He is leading me. I believe this same process holds true in God’s delivery on His promises. I have yet to read about anyone hearing a promise from God and receiving it immediately after God speaks it. In fact, 2 Peter 3:9 specifically reminds us that “God is not slow in keeping His promises…” They simply happen on His timeline, not yours or mine.

Are you trying speed up God’s promises? If so, I pray this post encourages you to slow down, to let God lead and to only step as far out as His support is present. If God spoke a promise to you, it will come to pass. You just need to trust His perfect timing and let Him do it His way. Just as Isaiah 60:22 says, “at the right time, the Lord will make it happen.” In the meantime, patiently endure the waiting season.

A Spinal Tap, A Syrup Spile and the Slow Drip of Refinement

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“For You, God, tested us, You refined us like silver.” Psalms 66:10

Toward the end of February I attended a high school basketball game. Sitting in the stands with a couple of friends, I turned to one of them and made a modest attempt at small talk with the universal opener of “What’s new?” Since we talk on the phone regularly, she chuckled hearing that question because I most likely already knew the answer to that question. However, she responded with, “Just waiting for syrup season.” Walking through a season of so much unknown personally, I quickly responded with, “I’m waiting for any other season than the one I’m in.” We both laughed at that statement and continued on with conversation amidst the varying levels of gymnasium sounds that were all around us.

A few days after that conversation, I felt drawn to research the process of making maple syrup. Specifically, I wondered what biblical aspects one could derive from the process. I called my friend who was more than willing to explain it all because producing maple syrup was not only her family’s small business adventure but it was something she was passionate about as well. She explained how the trees are tapped to draw out sap. When the bags are full they are taken to a building called the sugar shack where the sap is boiled down and made into syrup. She compared her family’s very traditional process to that of mass producers who don’t tap the trees but vacuum them in order to increase the amount of sap collected. She explained the comparison because the traditional/manual way of producing syrup was more timely but produced a richer and tastier product than anything the mass producers could make. I took plenty of notes but couldn’t quite pinpoint any key biblical aspects tied to maple syrup. So I prayed for insight and let the idea go.

Fast forward to last Friday, (five days ago from the date of this post and nearly two months after that phone call with my friend. Last Friday I found myself in a hospital emergency department, waiting on the outcome of my daughter’s spinal tap. For over a week she had developed symptoms of tingling in her hands and feet that moved into her legs and arms and was accompanied with excruiating pain. She was hospitalized for three days and screened for multiple sclerosis. All labs and scans came back clear so she was discharged. On the day of discharge she was unable to walk without the assistance of a walker. The following day she was seen by her primary care provider. She was told there was nothing physically wrong with her but that her condition was 100% psychological. At this point she was paralyzed but told it was “all in her head.” Thus, I took her to the local emergency room where we stayed for three days waiting for an inpatient mental health facility to accept her.

While in that ER, her condition continued to deteroriate. I was at a loss as to how to help her. I also couldn’t understand how her brain somehow had shutdown to the point that she convinced herself she couldn’t walk. Thankfully, one ER doctor and one neurologist kept digging for answers and after she had lost her leg reflexes, a spinal tap was ordered. The test results led to the diagnosis of Guillain-Barre Syndrome. Turns out, there was 100% something physically wrong with my daughter and left untreated, could have quickly worsened or become fatal.

After the spinal tap was finished, my daughter had to lay flat for two hours. She had been given some medicine to sedate her in order to keep her still. To allow her time to rest, I stayed in the waiting room area. While in there, a nurse friend of mine, who just happened to be visiting my daughter at the time they decided to do the spinal tap and stayed with her during the procedure, came to visit me. When I mentioned I was surprised with how long the procedure took she explained that a spinal tap draws fluid off the spinal cord in the form of a slow drip. She further added, “It’s like harvesting maple syrup.” That statement was all I needed to recognize what God was speaking through the process of maple syrup.

God sees and knows everything about us, especially all the impurities we hold within us. These impurities can look like bad habits, self-destructive thinking, wrong friendships or relationships, etc. These things can weigh us down or even interfere with God’s calling for us. God longs to draw them out just as dross is drawn off of silver during the refinement process. At times, God draws things out of us suddenly. Every day someone wakes up and has a “sudden” realization that they need God, need to change or need to repent. God changed Saul into Paul through a “suddenly” moment. But more often than suddenly, God’s refinement process in us is like a slow drip similar to a tapped maple tree or the process of a drawing fluid off the spinal cord. David’s life is a prime example of God’s drawing out process. Time and time again, David found Himself in a situation that He had to wait on God to redeem. God didn’t do it suddenly, He did it in the form of a slow drip. But He always sustained David during the waiting providing him the strength needed to endure until God brought deliverance.

What God pulls out of us He can use to diagnose what’s crippling us spiritually. Depending on what He draws out, He can also “boil it down” into something more beneficial to us that ultimately brings Him glory. Most people liken refinement to that of being in a fire, melted down into the Jesus’ image. But another perspective of refinement is the act of the Holy Spirit tapping into us to draw out all that keeps us from being who God created us to be.

If you are in a refinement season, be encouraged that God is doing a new thing in you and your circumstances. If you’re not seeing His hand in your circumstances, He could still be drawing things out of you. If you’re feeling like your in the fire, it could be God boiling you down into the creation He made you to be. If you’re praying for God to change someone’s hardened heart, keep believing He will do it. God has already tapped that hardened heart and is drawing everything out that caused it to petrify. But just like the process of tapping maple trees or conducting a spinal tap, God’s refinement process happens at the pace of a slow drip. Just as a maple syrup producer covers the spile with a bag and walks away, trusting the spile to do its job, we must cover the person in prayer and walk away, trust God to do His job also.

Don’t grow impatient and try to vacuum all of it out of yourself or the person you’re praying for. Just as mass production produces a less quality product than traditional boiling, our attempts to manufacture our own miracles will not produce the outcome we are praying and hoping for. Trust God and trust His process. Just as a syrup maker has to keep a careful watch over the sap during its boiling process to ensure the product doesn’t burn, our Maker keeps a careful watch on us and will keep us from being burned up in His refinement process also.

You Have Already Been Chosen

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“Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.” Ephesians 1:4

Everyone, at some point in their lives, waits to be chosen. In grade school this may have looked like raising your hand and waiting to be called on by the teacher or being the first selected for the playground dodgeball team. In high school this may have been waiting to be selected as the captain of an athletic team or the drum major in marching band. For me, it was making the varsity cheerleading squad when I was only a sophomore, landing the roles I would audition for in school plays and being asked out on a date by my latest crush. For me it also meant having a dad who chose me, who stepped in when my biological father had stepped out and opened his heart up to love me as if I was his very own flesh and blood. Each choosing provided me some value but my dad choosing me, that’s where I placed my value the most. That is, until my dad died. For many years of my life, losing him meant losing his choice and losing my value. Although I met God in the emergency room the night my dad died, I had no idea that He had already chosen me or that my true value came from God alone.

Recently, during an online Sunday morning sermon, I heard a pastor tell his parishioners that we are all a chosen people. He went on to quote someone who believed that if you exist, if there is breath in your lungs, then you have been chosen. Chosen for what? To be God’s minister and voice to the lost and the hurting. During my morning prayer time the following day, God reminded of this sermon. In my prayers I confessed that in this life, it really doesn’t matter who does and does not choose us because we are already chosen by God. Suddenly I remembered all the waiting I’ve endured throughout my adult life. Waiting for what? Waiting to be chosen again. My dad died 40 years ago and I’ve spent those years trying to replace the value he gave me. I also have tried to overcome the message of no value my biological father gave in his choice of walking away. This has ended in much heart break and too many opportunities for others to define my value. It’s led me down a slippery slope of morphing myself into someone I was not made to be simply to fit in or please the company I was with. This has included toxic and/or controlling relationships with employers, significant others, long term friendships and even with select family members. How often do many of us run after value through people, careers or material things?

What was God’s answer to what I told Him in prayer that morning? God showed me that my dad didn’t choose me. God chose my dad for me. God knew the man my biological father was and the dad he would never be. So God sent my dad, a man who loved and protected me, to gift me with a glimpse of just how my Heavenly Father loves me. This is true with every provision God has given me right down to my career, my children, even the modest home I have raised my family in. God chose me to love Him and to love others. He also chooses other people, circumstances and things to show His great love for me (and you.)

My dad loved me fiercely, but he was human and no human love can come close in comparison to God’s love for you or me. I once heard a true story about a father who gave his youngest child a very expensive watch. He did it in front of his oldest child. As he was gifting this watch to his youngest offspring, he looked at his first born and said, “When you make something out of your life, I will buy you an expensive watch too.” This father died before he could keep that “promise” leaving his oldest to believe his value was defined by his father’s definition of success and measured through the cost of an over priced arm ornament. This father missed out on seeing his oldest as the person God made them to be: a person who fiercely protects their family and friends, a business owner and provider for their family, a person who loves unconditionally and who works harder and more honestly than their father ever did. Also a person who plans to someday buy their own expensive watch as proof that they are not what their father saw in them.

God will never define our value through material things. He doesn’t define our value through a relationship status, body size, hair/skin color or job title either. God doesn’t even define our value through our ability to bare a child or not. This one is especially important to women because marriage and motherhood still seem to be determiners of value placed on women even in 2023. God defines our value one way: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8). How much does God value us? I know it sounds cliche but He thinks we’re too die for. to God, we are more valuable that the world’s most expensive watch. We are worth dying on a cross bearing all condemnation and sin. Like a shepherd cares for his sheep, we are worth leaving the 99 and going after the lost one. God’s love for us outweighs any measurement of human love and human value.

Are you waiting to be chosen? Are you chasing after people or success to prove your worth or replace the abandonment or judgement from your own father (or mother)? You can stop waiting and you can stop chasing. You are already chosen and more valuable to God than you will ever be able to understand or conceive. No watch, career, relationship status or other human definition of success will ever give you the value that God already gave you when He created you. His value isn’t meant to understand either. It’s simply meant for embracing and accepting even though it’s beyond human comprehension.

What Are You in a Hurry For?

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

I have a friend who is training to be a life coach. Recently she invited me to join her in an online Bible study on the book of Ruth. Having never completed a study with her before, I quickly jumped at the opportunity. This six-week study consisted of daily readings from an app along with daily activities in a workbook. Not wanting to fall behind, I diligently read every daily reading and worked through every activity consistently. Near the end of the study, I missed a few days due to a business trip but spent the weekend catching up in order to finish the study on time. This study ended approximately three weeks ago. I am finished but my friend, is still working through week 3. This is partly because her schedule doesn’t have room to work through it daily. This is also partly because when she does the work she researches the concepts and takes a deeper look at the message each reading provides in order to get the most out of it. Me? I read it, responded to the questions but have a hard time recalling any of it. My completed workbook sits on my table, now just collecting dust. In the meantime, I am patiently waiting for her to finish so we can start our next study together. I’m neither stressed no worried about the timing. I have other devotionals I can read until she is ready for a new study. Other areas in my life however, I don’t wait so patiently or as worry free.

When we decided to read this plan together we discussed carving out weekly time to discuss the readings together. Living in separate states made it impossible to meet in person so we scheduled weekly zoom meetings. Although our meetings were meant to be about the content we were reading, being on different weeks of the study made it difficult to truly discuss it. Thus, our meetings turned into “life coaching” sessions. During our most recent discussion, I found myself unloading all of the things I have been worried about and wrestling with. God has just brought me through a pruning season and I anticipated my next season to be one filled with harvesting. Instead, I’ve found myself planted in a waiting season. When I finished laying it all out, my friend asked me one question; “What are you in a hurry for?” This question took me by surprise and I had to take a pause before I could answer her. I then responded with “I’m afraid I’m running out of time and I don’t want to miss the mark” (referencing God’s calling on my life.) My friend was quick to respond with assurance that when it comes to God’s calling, there is no “mark.” She reminded me that God’s general calling for all of us is to 1.) Love Him with all our hearts and 2.) Love our neighbors as ourselves. Everything else is detail that He handles and reveals in His time and in His way. This truth settled my spirit briefly but to be honest, it wasn’t long before I experienced the daily battle of anxiousness and impatience, once again growing tired and weary of waiting.

Waiting seasons can be very difficult seasons. Especially, if we do not know what we’re waiting for. For example, I have answers to prayers I believe God has given me, yet in real time perspective, the opposite seems to be happening. In fact, one situation appears to be a closed door. By answers, I mean, I believe God moved me to open my heart back up to a dream I had let go of over ten years ago. I did, with a reluctant mind telling God He was going to have to bring it to me because I was not chasing it. I believe He did a few months later only to have it end almost as quickly as He brought it. Which left me wondering, did I hear God correctly and if so, was what I had from Him or a just a decoy?

Now, every time I asked God these specific questions, He gave me four answers, none of which were a simple yes or no. The four answers came through receiving the same four scriptures multiple times daily.

1.) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

2.) Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patient for the Lord. (Psalms 27:14)

3.) Be still and know that I am God… (Psalms 46:10a)

4.) You do not understand now what I am doing, but some day you will. (John 13:7)

While I am seeking a direct and clear, plain as day answer from God, He repeatedly responds with telling me that what doesn’t make sense now, will all make sense someday. For now, I am to trust in Him, leaning not on my own understanding, to wait on Him and to simply be still. For someone who was recently told she has a type A personality, waiting and being still are not easily put into practice. Thus, the inevitable wrestling match with wanting God to hurry up and move already and fearing I’ve missed the mark.

If you believe you’re in a waiting season, pray and seek clarity first to ensure God is calling you to wait. Sometimes, indecision or own refusal to move in the direction God is leading can be viewed as “waiting on God” when in reality, He’s waiting on you. Seeking wisdom and discernment will assist in clearing up any confusion regarding what season God currently has you in.

Pay attention to the scriptures He sends you. When you start receiving the same ones repeatedly, seek His truth behind those scriptures and ask how God to show you how they apply to you and your circumstances. God will speak to you through scripture. It may be in a devotional you read, it may come from a random text from a friend. It may be spoken in a sermon you hear at church or watch online. God may even speak through a social media post or in my case, having Proverbs 3:5-6 painted on a food truck in a mall parking lot and changing my phone wall paper to the very same scripture just two days later!

Whatever message God has for you, He will make sure you receive it and He will keep speaking it until you fully understand what He’s saying to you. In the meantime, let go of the hurry, spend your waiting season loving Him and your neighbor and surrender your circumstances to Him. God already knows the outcome to everything we stress about. What may seem as an ending could just simply be a pause. What may feel like a closed door now may be the very door that opens in His next chapter for you. If it seems like His timing is taking too long, just remember, “…a day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” Whatever your heart’s desire is that you’re waiting for God to fulfill, if it’s His will, He will bring it to pass and that “thousand years” will be worth the wait!

Dry Bones Rattling on Resurrection Sunday

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“…I have rebuilt the ruined places and replanted that which was desolate. I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it.” Ezekiel 36:36b

“I’m dead inside.” Those were the words my friend read in a text received from me, after asking me “How are you doing?” I received this question and sent my response after a day’s worth of horrific events occurred and I was home alone, in such a state of shock that all of my emotions had shutdown. I cried myself to sleep that night and for many nights in the months that followed. For a series of days that led into months, I was a shell of a person. I couldn’t concentrate nor carry on any sort of coherent conversation. I tried functioning but those who knew me best knew they were not seeing a “live” version of me. The heaviness of that day and events that continued to occur for months after, felt as though I had been buried alive.

I thought I was leaning on God. I prayed every day. But I prayed angry prayers every day. When I say “angry”, I mean I screamed, I cried and I cussed at God. I wasn’t just angry with specific people, I was also angry at God. Every prayer included a demand for God to “DO SOMETHING” and “FIX THIS!” In fact, on at least one occasion, I recall yelling out, “You’d better fucking fix it RIGHT NOW, God!” Using the F-word in a prayer should have been an immediate wake up call for me but it wasn’t. It was the epitome of just how dead inside I was and how deep I had fallen into a pit of despair and hopelessness.

About six months after that horrible day, I realized I couldn’t go back and undo what had been done to my family. I knew I wasn’t handling the situation well and I was tired of feeling suffocated by all the darkness within me. I had allowed a root of bitterness to grow and it wasn’t just emotionally or spiritually killing me. It was effecting my physical health also. I had gained 20 pounds, I wasn’t sleeping well and had suffered two panic attacks in the middle of the night. By panic attacks I mean being awakened from a dead sleep by a racing/pounding heartbeat that caused me to sit straight up and question if I was having a heart attack. Using the “F-word” in prayer may not have been my wake up call, but that second panic attack made me realize that I was not physically, emotionally or spiritually healthy. Enough was enough. What had been done was done and although I couldn’t change evil, if I wanted to heal, I had change how I responded to it.

I couldn’t heal myself though. I didn’t even have the strength to stop hating the one(s) who had done evil to my family. To be honest, I wanted to heal, but I also wanted to keep hating the evil doers. Hate, however, doesn’t produce healing and I lacked the ability to stop hating my enemies. This meant relying on the very God I was angry with, the one I had been belligerent to for so many months. Although He hadn’t changed the circumstances, I knew He could change me in spite of these circumstances. I also knew, I needed His forgiveness of my own sins and His strength to forgive others. What I needed most, was His redeeming love and unending grace to resurrect all that had died within me.

Today is Easter. Today, churches all over the world will be flooded with increased attendance. In fact, for some people, today is the only day (or one of two days) they attend church annually. Some churches will put on theatrical shows that include at least one church member, dressed as Jesus, coming out of a cardboard”tomb” while their praise and worship team leads the congregation in “Glorious Day” by Casting Crowns (Bleeker, M., Mark Hall, J. 2009, Be Essential Songs/My Refuge Music) or an outdated hymn such as “Christ Arose” by Robert Lowry. (1874) Little girls may don pink chiffon ruffled dresses with delicate white sweaters and matching patent leather buckle shoes. Little boys may be dressed in cream or light blue colored suits that their mothers are praying they keep clean long enough to get that one family picture captured. Some little girls and women may wear flowery hats. Men may wear that one suit that hangs in their closet the rest of the year and only comes out for weddings, funerals or this one specific Sunday.

Sanctuaries will be decorated with fresh Easter lillies. If there is a wooden cross on display, it will likely have a white cloth draped across it. Communion will be offered during many services today. “He is not here, for He has risen” will most likely be spoken in at least 90% of the sermons preached today also. “He is risen” will also be posted and overload many social media sites. Afterall, from a Christian stand point, today isn’t just Easter, it’s Resurrection Sunday. Today is the day the stone was rolled away. This is the day Christians celebrate Jesus rising from His grave and conquering death. This is also the day some pastors rely on the Easter story to bring salvation to the unsaved.

But…

Resurrection Sunday was not the first time Jesus had conquered death, nor is it the first resurrection mentioned in the Bible. In 1 Kings chapter 17, the prophet Elijah brings a woman’s son back to life. In the New Testament, Jesus brought Jarius’ daughter back to life and called Lazarus out of his grave after he had been dead for four days. Throughout the Bible, God has shown His resurrection power time again over human life and over our dead circumstances too. The book of Jeremiah prophesies His promise to restore or “resurrect” Jerusalem’s ruins. Daniel fasted for a promise from God that seemed “dead” but in Chapter 10 we read Gabriel telling Daniel that this promise will happen in “days yet to come.” (Daniel 10:14) Humanly speaking, Sarah, Hannah and even the woman who’s son Elijah resurrected all had “dead” wombs. Yet God brought life into them allowing each of them to become pregnant and bring sons into this world. All these situations seemed fatal and hopeless, yet God resurrected what was “dead” in each circumstance.

As grateful as I am for Christ’s death and resurrection, my favorite resurrection story comes from the book of Ezekiel. This is because it gives a visual of what a resurrection looks like. In chapter 37, we find the prophet walking amongst a valley of dry bones while engaging in conversation with God. During this conversation, God asks Ezekiel this question; “Son of man, can these bones live?” (verse 3a) Ezekiel responds with the perfect example of belief in God’s resurrecting power. Ezekiel replied; “…God, You know.” (verse 3b) God then tells Ezekiel to speak these bones. I’m just gonna get real for a minute and say, if I ever find myself walking in a valley of dry bones and hear God tell me to speak to them, I am confident I would ask “You want me to do what?” at least three times, just to ensure I heard God correctly. That’s of course after I got over being completely creeped out from walking in a valley of dry bones. (Feel free to insert a “laugh out loud” response now.)

Ezekiel, however, doesn’t question God nor is he bothered by what he’s walking through. He’s intent on listening to God and following His instructions, which is exactly how God continues the conversation. First, Ezekiel is instructed to prophesy over the bones telling them to “hear the word of the Lord.” (Verse 4). Then God declares He will give these bones breath, sinews (tissue), a covering of flesh and more breath so that these bones will live. Ezekiel’s response? Ezekiel tells his readers; “So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone.” (verse 7) He obeyed God’s instructions.

So what do my emotional death, Resurrection Sunday and dry bones coming alive have in common? The healing God has done within me is my own personal resurrection experience. At some point I believe God asked me, “Can your dry bones live? and I had to answer with, “God, You know.” I also had to pray my own version of “Lord, if you’re willing, take this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will but Yours be done.” (Luke 22:42) When I finally surrendered all of it to Him, He did not fail. In fact, every day that I surrender all of my “dead” circumstances to Him, God breathes new life and new hope into me. I feel most alive today because He was faithful in bringing me emotionally and spiritually back from the dead. God is a Man of His Word and He kept His promise to give me a new heart and a new spirit, removing from me a heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26). He will be faithful to His promises to you as well.

Christ’s resurrection is not just a salvation story. It’s His promise to resurrect the dead inside each of us as well as bring life to circumstances and dreams that also seem dead to. If you’re struggling with believing this, just remember, that very power that Ezekiel experienced watching dry bones come to life, is the same power that Elijah used to resurrect a woman’s dead son. It is also the same power that opened up this woman’s, as well as Hannah and Sarah’s dead wombs. This is the same resurrecting power that raised up Jarius’ daughter, brought Lazarus out of the grave and raised Jesus from His tomb. We are not meant to live this life like emotional zombies; shutdown, detached, and having cut off our feelings to avoid pain. Jesus’s death and resurrection was for us to have life and to live it abundantly. (John 10:10) If, like me, you’ve felt dead inside, God wants to revive your dry bones and bring you back to life too.

Have you experienced an emotional or spiritual death recently? Have overwhelming and/or unfathomable circumstances beyond your control left you feeling buried alive? Are you especially at a point where you’re tired of feeling hopeless and desperate to live again? Then son (or daughter) of Man, prophesy to your dry bones. Call out in Jesus’ name and ask God to resurrect all that is dead inside of you. Prophesy over your dead circumstances. Easter isn’t about spring dresses, ham dinners or attending church once a year. It’s also not about having the only deacon with a beard portraying Jesus on a church stage performing some re-enactment that includes a fog machine and drum solo just for added special effects. Easter is about resurrection power. As Jeremy Camp would sing, it’s “the same power that rose Jesus from the grave, the same power that commands the dead to wake” that is living within us. (Camp, J., Ingraham, J., 2015, The Same Power, Essential Music Publishing)

May today be the day you call out to Jesus and have the dry bones inside of you resurrected too! When you do, don’t be surprise if you hear some rattling. To quote my favorite Resurrection Sunday song, that rattling sound is “praise, [that] makes a dead man walk again.” I pray for those reading this post, specifically those who are in desperate need of an emotional/spiritual resurrection, that today you cry out, “open the grave, I’m coming out, I’m gonna live, gonna live again.” For that kind of prayer “is the sound of dry bones rattling…” (Lake, B., Brown, C., Furtick, S., 2020, Rattle, Elevation Worship Publishing.)

You Just Need a Little Faith (the Size of a Mustard Seed to be Exact!)

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“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move; and nothing will be impossible.” Matthew 17:20-21 NLT

Can I be raw with you right now? I am struggling with taking God at His word. At the beginning of this year I entered into a period of prayer and fasting. Each week I asked the Lord for a specific word to pray over various circumstances in my life and the lives of my closest friends/family. Each week He faithfully delivered. For seven weeks I prayed for breakthroughs, healing, delivery (of answers/direction), breaking (of chains, strongholds and soul ties), repentance, protection, surrender and of course, victory. I watched sermons about fasting and felt encouraged everytime the preacher vowed that fasting moved mountains and made the Jericho like walls fall down. By the end of my fast I felt I had grown deeper in my faith, fully surrendered to God’s ability to answer my prayers and trusting Him to do it in His time and in His way. But since ending the fast I have felt far away from God. In fact, since the last day of the fast, I found myself fighting battles in the flesh once again.

Fighting in the flesh has led me to ask God, “Where did my “big” faith go?” and “Did I just throw away all the prayers I exhausted by doubting Him now?” God’s answers to these questions came through the story of Ruth and scripture about faith the size of a mustard seed. I had frequently came across Matthew 17:20-21. I een purchased a bracelet with the verse on it. A mustard seed charm hung from the bracelet also but fell off about a month after I began wearing it. On my desk sits a small clear jar, no taller than one inch with a corked top. Inside it lies one tiny mustard seed. I look at it daily-especially in those moments that doubt and worry rear their ugly heads into my heart and mind. The seed is a reminder to take God at His word and trust in Him with all my heart, leaning not on my own understanding. But every day I wrestle with doubt and fear. I even visited a church one Sunday where the Pastor preached on faith and if you guessed that he used Matthew 17:20-21 in his sermon, you guessed correctly. With hearing this passage so many times, you would think it would have taken root, but a bigger root, that of rejection, that had been growing since I was just a toddler, had blocked any spiritual roots of faith from taking hold of me.

Toward the end of February, a lifetime friend invited me to join an online Bible study on the book of Ruth. Personally, I struggle with Ruth’s story because I believe, if misinterpreted, it can easily create a fantasy love story, especially for the single soul who believes love only comes through a romantic relationship or marriage. But I’ve never participated in a study with this friend so I happily accepted and ordered the workbook. The study inronically began on March 6th, the Monday after a very difficult weekend where a heap of angry feelings and bitterness emerged and I spent two days crying and yelling at God. Talk about perfect timing. I’m now three weeks into this study, seeing a whole new perspective of Ruth’s story. Ruth isn’t just a love story. Ruth and Naomi’s story is God answers our prayers and redeeming us, even after we grow about bitter and doubt His goodness. It’s also a reminder that what God ordains, He will make happen, even if we temporarily step out of His will and spend a few years walking in our own way.

I’ve read the book of Ruth multiple times and am thankful for these new discoveries. They include:

1.) Naomi and her family disobeyed God’s warning to His people to stay out of Moab. They moved there after a famine hit their hometown. However, Moab is where Ruth becomes a part of Naomi’s family. She marries one of Naomi’s sons. After losing her husband and both sons, and hearing the famine had ended, Naomi decides to return home. She urges her daughters-in-law to stay in their homeland but Ruth insists on going with Naomi. In her plea, she tells Naomi this: “your God shall be my God.” Although Moab was a place filled with false gods, somehow Ruth knew about the One true God. This leads me to believe that Naomi and her family moved to a place that did honor God, but must’ve continued to worship Him and shared their faith with Ruth also. This faith is what led to Ruth’s devotion to Naomi, even in spite of Naomi’s bittered grieving heart, and to the perseverance in Ruth to find work and care for both her mother-in-law and herself.

2.) God ordained Ruth and Boaz to marry in order to continue His bloodline, yet Naomi met Ruth in Moab-the very place God had forbidden His people to go. Instead of God sending Ruth to Naomi’s home country, Ruth meets God in her place of sin-a place where she most likely grew up worshipping many false gods. This should encourage us that God in our places of sin also and leads us out of the places and back to Him. He only asks us to surrender to cling to Him and obediently say, “where You go, I will go, Abba.” (Ruth 1:16)

3.) Ruth happened upon Boaz’s field (Ruth 2:3). Nowhere do we read that God instructed Ruth to go find work or travel to a specific wheat field. In fact, no where in the book of Ruth will you read that God audibly or spiritually spoke to Ruth, Naomi or Boaz. From a human perspective, Ruth’s story could be chalked up to happenstance and sheer luck. But God was acting, without audibly directing. Perhaps, knowing Ruth and Naomi’s obedient hearts, He didn’t have to direct them as much as He did with Abraham and Moses. Whether we hear God or not, He is acting on our behalf. Circumstances in our lives will change either through His audible direction, or through His divine intervention that looks more like events just suddenly “happened.”

3.) Naomi and her family left their homeland because they doubted God’s provision. After losing her husband and two sons, she returns home, bitter and believing that God was punishing her. Yet her joy was restored when she remembers Boaz is a kinsman redeemer. Her faith was renewed when Ruth gave birth to Obed. Naomi’s faith was based on her circumstances yet even in Her bitterness, I believe she still had faith the size of a mustard seed. In spite of her doubting God’s goodness and not trusting His perfect ways, , God used Naomi as an interceptor for His will and redeemed both her and Ruth.

It’s been 23 days since I completed fasting. Everyday is a struggle to not only remember the things God spoke to me during the fast, but to keep the faith that God always keeps His word. Times when I focus on what is seen instead of focusing on what is unseen bring about the worst feelings. Every day I find myself combatting the lies of the enemy through prayer and confession. I don’t fight my fears, I confess them to the Lord. He already knows the thoughts are there and the feelings are consuming me. Failure to confess them isn’t hiding anything from Him. Failure to confess is only lying to myself.

I beg for a word from Him daily. Some days He answers, other days He does not. On the days He seems silent, I have to remind myself to go back to the last word He gave me and cling to that message until He speaks again. Of the four areas in my own life that I fasted for, 23 days post fasting, none of the circumstances have changed. In fact, none of the circumstances of my friends and family that I prayed and fasted for have changed. Some have even worsened or grown more dire than before I began fasting. But I know God is faithful and is moving in each area and in each family, including my own.

When I lose my grip on the foundation of hope God called me to stand on, when I stumble or fall, and especially when I grow a root of bitterness, God doesn’t punish me. He helps me up, and helps me to stand firm on His solid ground once again. When I want to be my own interceptor, and manufacture miracles on my timeline instead of waiting on God, He gently asks me to surrender and reminds me that He is fighting these battles for me. How does this control freak surrender? With faith the size of a mustard seed-the tiniest inkling that holds enough power to move me to die to self daily, take up His cross and do life His way. If you’re struggling with trusting God, may this reading encourage you to know that God doesn’t expect you to have “big faith.” He calls you to take Him at His word and to have a little faith, the size of a mustard seed to be exact.