“The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. (Psalms 51:17 ESV)

In 2018 I was gifted a broken couch. When I say I broken, I mean this couch is L shaped and one entire section looks like it fell off a truck and then used as a trampoline. The divots are deep and springs are even exposed. But in spite of its condition, I knew with a little bit of TLC this couch had a lot of purpose and life left in it. I was grateful to not only receive such a gift, but that the gifter delivered it in the middle of a snow storm also.

Fast forward to 2024. This couch has survived and old dog and a new puppy (who’s currently trying to eat it) and a move to a new house. With its brokenness exposed, it would’ve been easy to throw it and buy something new during the move. But I refuse to give up on this couch. It is once again being used as a trampoline. Only this time, by a nine month old puppy who’s the size of a baby moose. His favorite sport is to run circles between the two rooms with this very couch being the “bridge” in his races. Keeping this couch covered and “in order” has become a daily battle, one of which I tend to give up on leaving the one side a broken disaster. On a side note, when my pup is not running across the couch he’s digging deep down under the holes finding stray socks and Nerf darts that I presume are lost treasures from its former owners too.

Last year my family and I endured much disappointment, disaster and disbelief. My daughter contracted a rare disease that left her temporarily paralyzed and hospitalized for over two months. Meanwhile my son was fighting a different battle that threatened his future. I had to manage walking alongside both of them, fighting for them where they could not fight for themselves and still keep up with daily life duties. In the middle of all of it, we had to pack up our home of 15 years and move to a different town and a neighborhood that gave no sense of security like our old neighborhood did. By the end of the year, I felt (and probably looked) like my very beat up and broken couch. If ever there was a euphemism about damaged goods, 2023 was the year satan used my life as his personal trampoline and I was left completely broken.

By the time the 2024 came about I had deep holes and my springs were exposed. What does that look like metaphorically? Well, it means I was bitter, angry and so distrusting of God that I wore myself out making myself my own hero. Like Job and Elijah, I experienced some deep despair, including moments where I hated my life and even questioned my existence. I spent many nights asking God the same questions over and over:

Was my life meant to be just one disaster after another?

Did I deserve such heartache and deep rejection?

Why did my kids’ have to suffer too?

How was all of this hardship for our good and His glory?

Whenever I could pray (or was on speaking terms with God), I would ask Him what He wanted from me. His answer? “A broken and crushed spirit.” My only response was “Lord, it definitely feels like You’re crushing me.” When I would ask God what He wanted me to do, He always has two responses; surrender and be still. It was as if God was saying “I am crushing you. But I will restore you. Give up the control and fear you’re holding on to. Stop trying to save yourself from what I am doing within you.”

I’ve owned this couch for six years, and I’ve yet to restore it. I use pillows and blankets to cover the deep holes. This is a daily thing and everyday I tell myself I should just throw this couch out. It’s really a broken disaster and replacing it would be easier than spending the time trying to figure out how to repair it. But this couch is not beyond repair. I may have no clue how to fix it yet, but because I can see life in it, I cannot throw it away. Ironically though, I am quick to throw my belief in God’s promises away because I feel my life is too broken for God to repair and I am just too old for my dreams to ever come true now. I’ve recently learned that Job felt that way too. In Job 17:11 he laments that his “days are past, [his] plans are broken off…” (ESV) Job lost and suffered so much. His season of suffering lasted many years. But in the end God restored his life and his family. No matter how long we suffer, God is working to restore our brokenness and broken dreams too.

Friend-if you are feeling too broken today, whether it’s personally, within the context of a friendship or relationship, etc. rest assured nothing and no one is too broken for God. This life is a series of seasons, some good, some bad, some easy and some difficult and depleting. Some seasons simply leave us feeling beat-up and broken down. If you’re in that season, just remember God’s promise of restoration. When the enemy tries to convince you that you or your situation is too broken, stand on Joel 2:25 and tell that enemy that you may be broken now, but God will restore you.