Trusting God

A Tornado in a Trailer Park Kind of Faith

/ LeahDanee29 / Leave a comment

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”

Mark 4:39

“You are the trailer park, I am the tornado.” (Yellowstone, 2021, Paramount Network) If you’re familiar with this TV show, then you probably can recall the scene this quote is from. It takes place in season three. This was Beth Dutton’s response to a man named Roarke, after he asks her if she is up for a fight and proceeds to tell her she’s wrong to think she can win. Instead of cowering to this man’s gaslighting tactic, Beth Dutton looks him square in the eye and says, “Right back at ya” and finishes with the tornado line. To this remark, the man turns and walks out of the establishment where this verbal sparring had occurred. This four minute conversation was centered around this man threatening what was most valuable to Beth and her family, land that her family’s entire existence is centered around.

As I rewatched this scene I couldn’t help but liken it to a conversation between the devil and us. If you’re a Christian, you already know that the devil comes to seek and destroy. He studies our weaknesses and attacks us when we least expect it. If he is unsuccessful, he will attack everything/everyone that is precious to us. He is a constant threat to us and to everything/everyone we value the most. Have you drawn closer to God recently only to have chaos ensue or watch a close family member/friend get hit with a major setback or struggle? As you become a mighty prayer warrior, do you find your life getting easier or harder? When you fast, do you get the answers you were praying for, or does the complete opposite seem to happen? For me, it’s the latter to all of these questions. The closer I draw to God, the more I work to grow my faith and dependency on Him, the worse life gets, for me and the ones I love most. I have 47 years of examples I could list, but if I did, this post would turn into a chapter book that read like a pity party. Instead, I’ll just admit that being hit hard and knocked down by the devil, every time I have turned back to God, has challenged my ability to trust God and even question His plans for my family and me. The firmer I dig my heels into faith, the harder I try to deepen my roots in Jesus, the harder the enemy hits also.

When the disciples decided to follow Jesus, I wonder what they thought their lives would be like. If I were walking, in person, with the son of God, fully knowing that He picked me to be on His team, I would have felt invincible and probably a bit prideful. I would’ve taken Psalm 118 verse 6 to an arrogant level. Someone mock Jesus in front of me? Watch out because God is on my side so what could the mocker possibly do to me? Well if you’re familiar with Jesus’ and Peter’s crucifixions, as well as the number of times many of the disciples were imprisoned for their ministry, I would say, our enemy can and does do a lot to harm us and our families. The bigger a threat to him that we are, the harder he fights to interfere with God’s plan and purpose for us. When God calls us to step out or move in faith, even when He asks for faith the size of a mustard seed, He does not call us into a faith that arrogantly believes, but to a faith that is fearless in believing.

Although the disciples believed Jesus was the Messiah, they doubted Him over and over again. This is evident in not one but at least two different storms they find themselves in while in a boat out to sea. The first storm is in Matthew chapter 8. It occurs after Jesus and the disciples have left a large gathering and are traveling by boat to their next endeavor. The storm happens upon them suddenly and while the disciples go into panic mode, Jesus is asleep. The storm doesn’t wake Him up. Frightened disciples do. If you’ve ever been on a boat during a storm, you know how tumultuous the experience can be. The boat and all it is carrying, including its passengers are tossed to and fro. But Jesus was not bothered by the din or thrashing movement of the storm.

The disciples’ doubt and professed lie is what woke Jesus. Professed lie you ask? How did the disciples lie? When they woke Jesus, they yelled; “Lord save us! We’re going to drown!” (Matthew 8:25 NIV) They did not say, they feared they might drown, they professed that they were in fact going to drown. It’s one thing to profess things we fear might happen, it’s another to believe our fears will happen. Followers of Christ, with Jesus physically with them, at the first sign of trouble, believed they were going to die. It’s no wonder some of us have so little faith when life storms disrupt our lives. I wonder how quickly we get God’s attention when we speak lies of defeat into our circumstances? Unfortunately, fear and doubt can be so noisy and consuming that we cannot hear Him rebuke the enemy,

When Jesus awoke, how did He respond? With a calm assurance that told the disciples, “I’ve got this.” Jesus rebuked the storm and mother nature quieted right down. He then asked His disciples why they were so afraid? Where was their faith? But the disciples don’t answer Him, they just marvel at what had just happened and question who He was. They witnessed Jesus perform many miracles firsthand, and yet they still did not always believe.

The first four books of the New Testament give four accounts of Jesus calming a storm. Three of those accounts have similar details, which makes me believe Matthew, Mark and Luke are all recounting the same experience just through a different lens. Interestingly, where Matthew and Luke declare death upon them all, Mark asks Jesus’ this question: “Don’t you care if we drown?” (Mark 4:38b). Questioning God’s love for us is another natural response to fear and doubt. When we are in crisis mode, it’s easy to panic and not only doubt God’s deliverance but question His care for us also. After all, if we interpret Jeremiah 29:11 literally, then we presume only good and prosperous things come from God. So if life (or the devil) is throwing some pretty heavy and hard stuff at you or your family, it must not be from God, right? If you can’t see or feel His presence and especially if it feels He is just asleep or silent, it’s natural to ask Him if He even cares about what’s happening. But in each instance, Jesus rebukes not only the storm, He also rebukes the disciples’ lack of faith. It’s almost as if He is saying, “Why are you so rattled? Did you forget who I am? Have you no faith at all?”

John’s account of a storm is slightly different than the other three. Jesus was already in the boat in Matthew, Mark and Luke’s stories. But in John chapter 6, we read that Jesus was not with the disciples when they got hit by a storm at sea. It also happens at night whereas there is one mention of the other storm occurring during the day. When the high wind begins to blow, we don’t read that the disciples called out to Him or professed death over their situation. Instead we read that after they rowed three to four miles, Jesus approached them. How you might ask? He was walking on the water. Once again, the disciples are afraid. But this time, it’s not the wind and waves that scare them, it’s the sight of Jesus walking on water. Still lacking faith in His power, they actually think Jesus is a ghost. They have already seen Him perform so many miracles, yet in their humanness they cannot fathom He would have the ability to walk on water too. Isn’t that true in our own lives? How many times have we seen God move mighty mountains over our circumstances and yet, when He shows up again, we doubt it’s really His hand working? How many times have we given someone else the credit including ourselves because we doubted God would actually come through. Notice the disciples didn’t even cry out for Him this time. They tried rowing themselves out of this storm. How many times has doubt led each of us to say,” God’s not showing up this time, I’m just gonna have to handle this on my own.”? How many storms does God have to rescue us from before we fight our natural instinct to doubt and fear and instead develop a habit of just believing?

Thankfully, Jesus’s response in John chapter 6 can encourage us that even when we doubt that He is not with us, He shows up and says, ““It is I; don’t be afraid.” (verse 20) Just as the disciples were willing to let Jesus in their boat and they were immediately delivered to the land they were traveling to, God promises to deliver us too. Once we let Jesus into our circumstances and believe He will calm the storms of life in His time and in His way, He will take us exactly to the places He wants us and our families to be. Although He delivered the disciples immediately, God’s deliverance in our life storms are seldom instantaneous. So don’t lose heart when you invite Him into your circumstances but they don’t change right away or inevitably get worse before He makes them better. Keep in mind also, that Jesus’ only demand is that we be not afraid and just believe. If you’re wrestling with the crashing waves of fear and doubt, I encourage you to rebuke this in Jesus’ name, call out to God Himself to save you and your family. Invite Him into your circumstances and trust that He will, in His time, rebuke the enemy’s hold on your family, saying “Enough! Be still!”

In the mean time fight your battles through prayer. As you pray, when the devil asks if you’re up to the fight and tries to tell you that you can’t defeat him,, tap into the Beth Dutton depth of your faith and tell the devil he is the trailer park and you are the tornado. Should fear and doubt still try to over take you, as they did to Dorothy, when, in The Wizard of Oz, her entire house was caught up in a tornado (Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/MGM, 1939), hold on to your faith, and cling to Jesus, for He is holding on to you and your family throughout every inch of these storms. Always remember, when we walk by faith, not by sight, and the devil rages an ugly storm, we can fearlessly look the devil square in the eye and say, “You are the trailer park, I and my God are the tornadoes!”

STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF!

/ LeahDanee29 / 2 Comments

“The Lord will fight for you, you need only be silent.” Exodus 14:14

Ever argue with a narcissist or someone who has extreme hatred toward you? The arguments tend to look this: The hater is very accusatory, demanding and threatening. Their accusations usually come out of nowhere. You feel stunned by such a sucker punch (metaphorically speaking) and backed into a corner. While your head is spinning from the lies being hurled at you your immediate nature to defend yourself kicks in. This only fuels your accuser to push back harder and in the end you’re left wondering if what they’ve said about you is actually RIGHT?!

I have had my share of said arguments both personally and professionally. Each time I’ve felt a deep hurt and confusion asking myself why someone could say such things, tell such lies or treat me the way they did. I would turn to God in prayer seeking truth but also seeking justice. More often than not, I would get the message to just be silent and let God fight this battle.

I’m a woman of many words. I have a sarcastic sense of humor and am very quick witted. Growing up my momma would say “Her mouth will get her into trouble someday.” And it has, far too many times. Obviously, God’s “be silent and let Me take care of this” answer has never been an easy one for me to follow. In fact, there were times that this answer infuriated me. It’s not easy to let someone slash your character and remain silent. It’s taken much practice and I’ve still a long ways to go. When I put silence into practice, this is what happens:

  1. My accuser cannot argue with me if I’m not saying anything back.
  • 2. My accuser can hurl harsh words at me but those words can only deeply hurt me if I let them.
  • 3. My accuser cannot define my character. Only God can.
  • 4. Silence allows me to listen to my accuser, think about what’s being said and decipher between truth and lies.
  • 5. Silence is a form of humility. Defense is a form of pride.
  • 6. God is faithful and always keeps His promises. If He says He’s fighting for me, I believe Him even when I can’t see His work in action.
  • 7. For every verbal tearing down I’ve experienced, God has sent someone to build me back up.
  • Here’s an example of what I’m talking about: I’ve seen two movies recently where refusal to argue (a form of silence) was put into action. Both of these scenarios stood out to me as signs of true humbleness. Here’s the scenario of one of them: In the ending of this movie two women, who’s friendship had ended over a man, cross paths. One is carrying the man’s shirts that were just picked up from the dry cleaners. The other notices and says; “I bought him that shirt!” The other says nothing but then apologizes for hurting her. Instead of accepting the apology, the jilted woman responds with “you were always jealous of me, even when I was accepted to Notre Dame.” Now if you’ve seen this movie you would know that a discussion takes place earlier between the woman who ends up with the man and another person. Basically they draw a conclusion that the jilted woman actually lied about being accepted to Notre Dame. At the moment she then calls her ex-friend out on jealousy, the other woman could’ve called her out on the lie but instead responds (in a soft caring tone) with, “you’re right…”
  • The jealousy statement was an open door for the accused to defend herself but she chose to let her accuser think she was right instead.
  • If you’re character is being attacked right now, if you’re battling with a narcissist perhaps or just being bombard with false accusations take courage in knowing that you’re not alone in this kind of battle. Saul hated David and hurled a spear at him. Jezebel hated Elijah and hunted for him. The Pharisees hated Jesus and nailed Him to a cross. Even Judas sold Jesus out. Just like God fought for and protected David, Elijah and Jesus, He is fighting for and protecting you. God knows the outcome of your circumstance and no matter what, He IS fighting for you (and me.) When your accusers rise up, be silent and let God fight the battle for you.

  • O Death, Where Is Your Sting?

    / LeahDanee29 / 6 Comments

    This week I watched my mom and her siblings walk a heart breaking journey that ended with saying goodbye to their younger sister. At 57 years young, my aunt lost her battle with lung cancer. Her final days were spent in a hospital, hooked up to a machine that aided her breathing surrounded by family who hoped, prayed and waited for a miracle.

    Some will look back and think that God did not answer our prayer. Some may even get angry with God. The day before she passed, I found myself questioning God’s purpose in her suffering. But God is always faithful and instead of doubting Him, I chose to cling to my faith. I chose to trust Him confessing that His ways are not my ways. He called her Home the very next day.

    God’s timing is always perfect. My aunt had been on a ventilator since Sunday evening and didn’t pass away until Thursday afternoon. She passed away on her mother’s birthday. Her mother, my grandmother, passed away in 1987. I believe the timing of my aunt’s death was God’s way of reminding us that as a believer, death can be something to celebrate. What a blessed birthday present my grandmother received this year welcoming her baby girl into Eternity!

    In our humanness, we will grieve. My mom and her siblings as well as my aunt’s children will most long for my aunt to still be on this side of Heaven-not suffering, but still living. But in our faith we can rejoice through the sadness, celebrate through the heartbreak and be reassured that my aunt did get her miracle. God did heal her. Rather than heal her here, He chose to heal her with perfection.

    The day my Aunt died, I woke up with two thoughts-The first was this: “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” I Corinthians 15:55. The second was the song No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts. The chorus kept swirling in my mind.

    “No matter what! I’m gonna love you. No matter what! I’m gonna need you. I know that you can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not (if not), I’ll trust you. No matter what!”

    The best way to walk through grief is to know that death has no victory over us and to choose to trust God even when we don’t understand His ways.

    Be blessed and please keep my family, primarily my mom, her siblings and my aunt’s children in your prayers as they grieve my aunt’s Earthly absence and experience this side of life without her.

    Who’s Your GPS?

    / LeahDanee29 / 2 Comments

    “…whether you turn to the right or the the left, you ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.'” Isaiah 30:21 NIV

    Recently I had to attend a work conference that was in a city a few hours south of my home town.  I’ve traveled to this city on many occasions and tend to get lost every time.  Knowing I would be doing a lot of traveling during my three day stay, I planned ahead and fully relied on my phone’s map app.  Even though it took me a different route each day of my commute, surprisingly, I never once got lost.  I did however yell at it and tell it to “shut up” on one occasion when it was insistent upon me turning left through 8 lanes of heavy traffic with icy road conditions.  It did not like my decision to turn right and then safely turn around to the proper direction when traffic allowed me to do so. HA! HA!

    My favorite feature of this app is the notification it gives you of how long you will travel on each road before having to turn onto a new road.  It’s not just one notification either.  You could travel on one road or highway for fifty miles (or 80 kilometers) and receive several notifications that you are approaching your next turn, lane change, etc.  It even gives you warnings about detours and road construction before you’re near any of them.  It’s definitely been a useful tool for me for many traveling experiences since owning this specific series of smart phone.  I’ve even personalized it by giving it a male Australian voice and nicknaming it Jarryd (after Australian rugby player, Jarryd Hayne.) So yes, when I “yelled” at it, I actually said, “Shut up Jarryd, trust me, I know what I’m doing!”  LOL

    Navigating life can be just as confusing and challenging as driving through a big city.  You’re apt to get lost a time or two.  For the directionally challenged like me, you may get lost over and over again.  This can lead to feeling like you’re reliving the same journey or spending your life walking in circles.  Been there.  Done that.  My entire 30’s felt like I was on a hamster wheel running a marathon that led absolutely nowhere and left me feeling defeated and completely worn out.

    Did you know there’s a life GPS?  His name is God and His map is the Bible.  In fact, I’m feeling so creative today I think GPS should really stand for God’s Placement of Situations.  Is life not merely a series of situations?  How many times have you heard sayings like, “She was at the right place at the right time?”  or “He was at the wrong place at the wrong time?”  Funny, I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say, “She was at the wrong place at the right time” or “He was at the right place at the wrong time” though.  Have you?

    God’s GPS doesn’t work like iMaps, Google Maps or even Garmin.  God definitely uses the Holy Spirit to warn us when we’re going in the wrong direction or about to make a poor decision.  However, God’s direction doesn’t always instruct us on how long we will be on a certain path or in a certain situation before He changes our circumstances, delivers us from the struggle we are enduring or even before He advises us on a major decision we are seeking His wisdom on.  In fact, there are times when people believe they are walking in the direction God told them to go and everything in their life seems to be going completely wrong.  In times like these, it’s human nature to question if we even understood God’s leading or if we took a wrong turn somewhere, right?

    Joseph is a prime example of someone who could question God’s leading.  God told him he would be a leader over even his family some day.  He traveled through abandonment, slavery and false imprisonment before that ever happened (Genesis chapters 37-47). Daniel followed God’s direction and ended up in a lions’ den.  On another occasion, Daniel fasted for 21 days before an archangel showed up with a response to his prayer.  The archangel admitted the delay was due to spiritual warfare (Daniel chapter 10).  From Elijah, to David, and to Paul, the Old and New Testaments are full of examples of God’s direction leading to questionable circumstances.

    Often times, people get a word from the Lord, respond with an obedient heart and willing spirit and then nothing happens.  I’ve read numerous devotionals and stories of how God spoke to certain individuals, they complied with His direction and then waited sometimes years for the results of their obedience.  This is similar to driving through a detour that seems endless, isn’t it? God doesn’t always make the directions clear and He doesn’t always give us forewarning to obstacles or detours we may face.  He also doesn’t give us a time frame as to when we will reach our destination.  When there appears to be a delay as to what He told us would happen and when it actually does happen, we can feel like we’re wandering aimlessly or even hopelessly lost.

    That’s where relying fully on His word comes in to play.  The enemy will plant doubts in our minds. Impatience may take over and pressure us to give up or go in another direction.  We may even try to speed up the process and interfere with God’s actual timing.  No matter what, I firmly believe God will remain faithful in His word.  If you’ve received a word from the Lord, if you’ve especially taken an action in obeying this specific word and are experiencing a detour, trust in Him, remain faithful to His direction and believe His timing is always perfect.  While you’re waiting and wandering, stand on these two passages:

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 NIV)

    “…At the right time,  I the Lord, will make it happen.”  Isaiah 60:22 (NLT)

    Lastly, remember this, if God places you in a situation, He will guide and direct you through it.

     

     

    A Year of Faith in Review….

    / LeahDanee29 / Leave a comment

    “See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”                                      Isaiah 43:19

    Although Christmas will be celebrated tomorrow I can’t help but reflect on the fact that there are only six days left of 2018.  Hard to believe that another new year is right around the corner.  I ask the all to common question of “Where did the time go?”  So I thought I would use this post to reflect on God’s work in my life this year and the hope I have for whatever 2019 holds.

    A week before 2018 began, I received an unexpected blessing and endured an incredibly expensive car repair.  The blessing was greatly appreciated-the car repair so close to Christmas, not so much.  But God was faithful and provided transportation for me while my vehicle was in the shop as well as means to afford the cost.  My vehicle was back on the road and driving safely before January 1st, began.

    I rang in 2018 singing karaoke with my high school best friend.  Our friendship will celebrate 30 years next year.  In high school and our early twenties we were inseparable.  I even kept a toothbrush at her house because I was always there getting ready for our next adventure or outing.  A falling out divided our friendship for many years but God restored it several years ago.  I am truly grateful.  Although life’s busyness keeps us from getting together as often as we’d both like, I cherish the moments, like New Year’s Eve celebrations, that we can share together.

    In February, I was gifted a five day vacation to Las Vegas.  I’m not a gambler nor am I into strip clubs so imagine a pg rated Vegas vacation.  I say pg because I was with more high school besties (friends since 1989) and we did enjoy some adult beverages one evening while site seeing on the strip.  The rest of the time consisted of budgeting buffets, and being the typical tourist taking pictures of everything.  Aside from having 5 days spent with women I adore, my favorite part of this trip was being on the strip at night, watching the fountains “dance” to Dean Martin.  Dean Martin makes me swoon so you can imagine the rush of seeing this elaborate light and fountain show move to Dean’s “Luck be a Lady”.  Pretty sure I was frozen in awe smiling ear to ear.

    Sadly, while I was on this trip, much demise was happening at my job.  I learned people had lost their jobs as well as our contract had been threatened.  That job was a contract based job and if it had been pulled would mean me without employment.  It was a very stressful and worrisome time.  Those of us that still had jobs walked on pins and needles wonder who was next.  When I returned from my vacation I actually cleaned out both of my offices just in case I was next on the chopping block.

    In March my employer learned that our contract would be valid for one more year but many changes had to be made.  As the months progressed our work environment grew more and more dismal with increase in work load, no room for error or delay.  My whole demeanor changed and it effected my personal life.  I had prayed for years for new employment with many closed doors.  As work grew more intolerable for me, I finally resolved that no matter what, I would not be working at that job by summer of 2019. I knew that mean I would need to reduce my debt in order to explore the idea of taking a lesser paying job but I set a goal and prayed for God to deliver.

    In April my dog, who was ten years old, underwent surgery.  This was another expensive out of pocket expense as well as four weeks of feeling like I was caring for an infant again.  She is a very small dog and seeing her in a fragile start was difficult for my children and me because she is not just a pet but a member of our family.  God once again provided the means for her surgery and she recovered fully.

    June brought more car repairs.  This time my faith was worn out.  Not because of the financial strain-God provided the means to pay for it very quickly.  However I had to wait two weeks before I could get it repaired and it had become unsafe to drive.  So for two weeks I relied on other people to commute back and forth to work.  This I’m sure was a test of pride for me because I am not one who enjoys asking for help or being a burden to anyone. Thankfully God used friends with more than willing hearts to be my chauffeur until my vehicle was repaired.  God also gifted me a mechanic who not only repaired my vehicle in the time he said he would but also fixed the error of another mechanic’s work for free.

    In July my daughter endured a minor out patient surgery.  Although her surgery was a success the first week of recovery was rough for both of us.  She endured a great deal of pain.  The pain made her lose her appetite so she would end up taking pain meds on an empty stomach.  A couple of times this led to vomiting because as most know, many pain meds can make one sick if you take them without food.  Three nights in a row we both endure minimal sleep because the pain would wake her up and then she would wake me up for ice packs and meds.  Add to this many sporting activities for my son who’s a three sports kid and had games, camps, practices and tournaments for all three throughout the summer months.

    Fall brought mourning as our community lost two members only a month apart.  One had cancer.  The other, took his own life.  Watching my sixteen year old daughter walk through grief after losing a friend to suicide is not easy.  There are not words of comfort that can help or heal.  You just have to watch, comfort and be readily available whenever and however they need.  Suicide also opens the door to have the hard, difficult and not always comfortable conversations with your children about depression and self harm.  But God especially shows up through tragedy.  In fact, my daughter, who has questioned God’s very existence clung to faith to hold her through her grief.  Through the first week after her friend’s death, including attending his funeral, she showed very little emotion.  When I asked her about it she simply said, “I’m said but I know that I will see him again so that is helping me get through this.”  Although my heart was broken for her it smiled knowing her faith was being restored through this.

    Fall also brought a serious injury upon my son.  One ER visit after a football practice and a cat scan later we learned he sustained a serious concussion.  This injury caused him to miss school, get behind on school work and all together be out of football for three weeks.  It was a very tough season for him as it brought much frustration, anger and impatience.  Not being to even attending practices made him feel like he was no longer a part of the team.  To an athlete, sports are your life.  Going without them for even three weeks can seem like an eternity.  Thankfully God healed my son in time for him to play his last two football games of the season. He’s since moved on to basketball season and still doing well.

    Late fall brought a job opening in my children’s school that I was encouraged to apply for.  Reading through the job description, I wondered if I was even qualified for it.  It did have a lot of office duties I was already skilled in but it also detailed things I was not familiar with.  I hesitated to apply because I felt under qualified.  I also expected it would lead to yet another closed door.  In fact, I waited until the very last day they were accepting applications and I scanned mine and my resume to the employer.  I told only the person who had encouraged me to apply.  Two days later I was called to take their pre-hiring exam.  A day after I completed the exam I was called for an interview.  One day after the interview, I was offered the job.  I was over the moon with shock and excitement all in one.  I started this new job last month and it is everything I have ever prayed for and so much more. God has completely wowed me!

    It’s now the day before Christmas and although my cup runneth over, the enemy still keeps throwing curve balls.  This month alone I received word that my biological father was on a ventilator, hospitalized, and not expected to make it.  It happened the same day another family crisis was going on.  Two of my siblings shared they were going though divorces.  A community member endured a life threatening stroke.  Other families I know have endured other health scares, financial difficulties or relationship struggles.  The enemy has even attacked my own home with discord between one of my children and me.  I have wrestled with great anxiety over much of it.  But God remains faithful.  As much tragedy that has struck, no matter how many curve balls get thrown, God’s hands can be seen in each circumstance as He performs many miracles and answers prayers in an epic way.

    2018 has been a roller coaster year.  But through it all my God has been my one constant.  His faithfulness remains.  He is unshakable.  His word is true.  Through all of this I have learned that I have two choices-I can worry or I can pray.  When I worry, nothing gets done.  But when I pray,  I mean when I actually stand on God’s word and pray it over my circumstances, God moves my mountains or He moves me further up the mountain.  I am thankful for very good and bad experience this year because each one has molded my character and drew me closer to Him.  Character building and deepened faith is all anyone of us can ever ask for.

    What’s Your ETA?

    / LeahDanee29 / 1 Comment

    “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

    ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    I’m a planner. I love having a schedule planned out for the day and/or week and sticking to that plan. I don’t tend to respond well when my plan goes awry or doesn’t play out at all. That holds true even when I’m traveling or running errands. I plan out my stops to ensure the shortest route and alleviate driving out of my way or back tracking. What I typically don’t plan for are detours.

    When I take a road trip, I plan out the start time, my expected time of arrival (ETA) and my return home time. When I lived in another state, I used to travel several hours to get home for visits and even had designated stopping points along the way-for every single trip. As a traveler, I’m more of a “let’s look at the map and find the shortest route from point A to point B.” I tend to always be running behind so short cuts are the best at helping make great time.

    When I was younger, I traveled with someone who was the complete opposite of me. Sure they’d plan out a trip but their idea of travel was not “let’s get there.” Their idea of travel was more like, let’s find the longest route possible, make an innumerable amount of stops and enjoy all the sites we experience along the way. When traveling with them, I learned not to have a planned ETA. I also saw many spectacular views of waterfalls, caves and other beautifully hidden treasures that go unseen when you’re merely focused on getting to where you’re going and avoiding delays.

    Where I live, there’s a joke that says, “We have four seasons-winter, spring, road construction and fall.” This is said because every summer our highways are covered with orange barrels and reduced down to one lane in an effort to repair the cracks and damage our harsh winters do to the pavement. Although the never ending process brings about safer roads, when you’re stuck in a traffic jam, or trying to navigate your vehicle through orange barrels or even better, detoured through areas you’re completely unfamiliar with-your appreciation for road construction is more like the feeling you get when you have to go to the dentist and have a tooth pulled. You simply want to avoid it altogether.

    My daughter is learning to drive now. Recently I let her drive home from a family reunion that was two hours away. We were talking and I got distracted. I forgot she didn’t exactly know the way home and we missed the exit that led to home. We were probably 10 or 20 minutes passed that exit when I realized what had happened. I was tired and didn’t want to drive an hour out of our way to get home. I quickly got onto my iMaps to find the shortest route from where we were at. It consisted of backroads but it got us home. My daughter’s response, “It’s ok mom. It’s an adventure!” She even turned it into a site seeing tour pointing out strange lawn ornaments in peoplE’s yards from time to time.

    Not to sound like Forrest Gump, but life is merely a journey full of point A’s and point B’s. We each have starting and ending points with many scenic tours, detours, back tracks, side steps, and even stand stills. Some parts of the journey are painstaking and we wish for a shortcut to get us to where we want to be a whole lot quicker. Somedays life is like trying to go around the block in a city filled with 1 way streets. What seems like the simplest of task ends up taking you way out of your way, just to get back to where you started from. It’s even more frustrating when we have a goal in mind, we’ve been working hard to reach that goal, we can see it in reach but life takes a right turn and feels like we’re driving the opposite way of what we are striving for. It can be additionally frustrating, even faith shaking, when we believe that goal was God spoken yet seems as though it will never come to fruition.

    My own life has felt like a constant detour. Some road blocks I created myself based on wrong turns. Others are like traffic jams where I feel parked and no matter how hard I try, God is not moving me at all. Yet other days it feels as though I’m actually driving in reverse. Those are the days I realize I keep going back to the same sin or the same destructive pattern. On the days when life actually feels like a good traffic day, I’m learning those days still don’t reveal to me where I’m going or what God’s ETA for my goals really is. Those days were merely smooth driving days with minimal speed bumps.

    Everyone has a starting time (your date of birth) and an ending (your date of death.) The dash in between is our individual road map of our own individual journey. Life is a road trip. You can get impatient and try to shortcut to your goals. Or you can enjoy the scenic route God takes you on, even if He makes you go the opposite way. Let your ETA be His ETA for you. During your roadblocks, speed bumps, traffic jams and detours, look around and admire the view. God has beauty in every moment of our lives and He shows it best when we’re less focused on the goal and more focused on the journey. If you make a wrong turn-that’s ok. We all get lost in our travels. God’s GPS will always bring us back to the road He has set before us when we repent and surrender to His ways.

    If today you’re feeling like Abraham, Moses, David, Sarah, Hannah or Elizabeth, with a God given goal but no direction on how tor each it, or you’re experiencing road blocks that feel like closed doors, read about the delays the experienced before God gave them their ETA’s. Abraham specifically experienced this: God promised him offspring. Then told him to move away from all he was familiar with. Twenty-five years later, God’s word finally came to pass for Abraham. May his and the others’ stories give you the strength to trust God most during the road construction detours in your own life.

    While You’re Waiting…

    / LeahDanee29 / 3 Comments

    “For I am waiting for you, O Lord. You must answer for me, O Lord my God.”

    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭38:15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    When you live in a world of high speed data, iInstapot cooking and even drive thru medicine, waiting seems like a never ending inconvenience. It’s especially frustrating when you’re running late and caught in a traffic jam or you have a screaming toddler on a long flight. Maybe you’re waiting for a job promotion or for an open door to get a job. Maybe you’re struggling with an illness or debilitating ailment and God hasn’t healed you yet. Or maybe you’re like me, waiting for God’s best when it comes to dating and marriage. Whatever your season of waiting is, it may feel like God isn’t there, that He’s said or no that maybe He even wants you stuck. Rest assured, God is there, waiting is not always a “No” and He definitely does not want His children stuck.

    I’m going to be very vulnerable for a moment and share something I’ve been waiting for-a godly marriage. My biological father left my mom and I when I was a toddler. My mom married the man I called Dad when I was 3. Sadly, he died when I was 8. When he was alive my family felt complete. I’ve lived with a big hole in my life ever since.

    In high school I fell for boys who were unkind and just wanted to play games. I had one serious relationship with a boy that lasted through college. He was loyal, kind and hardworking. He even wanted to marry me. But we were both too young to know how to make a relationship work, let alone a marriage. So, five years after it started it came to an end. After that, I settled for relationships that were not God’s design for me simply trying to fill the hole my dad’s death left in me. Each break-up led to more self defeat and left me in a constant of rejection.

    As a single mom, now in my early 40’s, I am clearly still waiting for God to give me the desire of my heart. I’ve spent years watching others’ fall in love and get married. I’ve seen redeeming love stories and wondered when I would be next? I’ve cried, begged and yelled at God wondering what He was doing in this area of my life. Then I convinced myself God had so no to my heart’s desire and I gave up on dating altogether. I even professed the enemy’s lie that I simply wasn’t marriage material. I even used to tell my family and friends that if God wanted me married then He was going to have to drop my husband on my doorstep. To which one of my funny besties replied with; “So you’re going to marry the UPS man?”

    Clearly, I have not waited well. Thankfully God gives uses the story of Ruth to remind us how to wait. But also, I think Ruth teaches us that God is the only one who can fill the hole left from losing a loved one. Boss may have been Ruth’s kinsman redeemer but he’s not who made her whole. God did before Ruth even met Boaz.

    Ruth experienced a great loss in her lifetime. She lost her father-in-law, her husband and her brother-in-law also. In Ruth’s day, men were the provider and stability of their household. She lost family members. She lost her spouse. But she also lost her financial stability and her home. If there was anyone who was left with a big hole in their life, Ruth would be the poster-child example.

    Here’s an interesting fact about Ruth. She lost much but she clung to what she had left. While Orpah even let go of Naomi, Ruth said; “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.” (Ruth‬ ‭1:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬) If Ruth had stayed in Moab, she would’ve never met Boaz.

    The first thing Ruth did in her season of waiting was clung to what she still had. The second thing she did was go to work. As the now provider for herself and her mother-in-law, Ruth has to find a way to ensure they would have food to eat. So she set out to the wheat fields and she gleaned. Please note this-Ruth did not apply for a top notch job with excellent pay and amazing benefits. She didn’t even apply for a minimum wages job. She went to work picking up the scraps left behind from the harvesters. Her primary focus was gathering enough grain to feed Naomi and herself. She was not too proud to glean.

    The third thing Ruth did was listen to godly advice. There’s nowhere in Ruth’s story that mentions her desire to remarry. Yet Naomi knew a husband for Ruth would redeem both of them. When she learned that Ruth was gleaming in Boaz’s field, she gave her daughter-in-law some crucial advice. Ruth worked for Boaz through at least two season before Naomi said this; “My daughter, it’s time that I found a permanent home for you, so that you will be provided for. Boaz is a close relative of ours, and he’s been very kind by letting you gather grain with his young women. Tonight he will be winnowing barley at the threshing floor. Now do as I tell you—take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking. Be sure to notice where he lies down; then go and uncover his feet and lie down there. He will tell you what to do.” (Ruth‬ ‭3:1-4‬ ‭NLT‬‬) Ruth’s response was this; “I will do everything you say…” (vs 5) Talk about a trusting and obedient heart.

    Ruth did what Naomi instructed her to do and not only did she end up married to Boaz, the Lord redeemed her and Naomi when Ruth bore a son named Obed. Obed was King David’s grandfather. God’s love story for Ruth was merely a chapter in His great design for king David. Ruth was a woman who waited well.

    If you’re in a waiting season, what are you waiting for and what are you doing while you wait? Are you making your heart’s desire a god in your life or are you trusting God and waiting on His timing? Are you trying to manufacture your own miracle and producing Ishmael’s when God has promised you an Isaac? Are you running in circles through modern medicine trying to heal yourself? Are you financially drowning because you tried keeping up with the Joneses? Are you wallowing in self-pity, bitterness and wrestling with a spirit of rejection? Are you giving up on everything and losing all hope in God’s goodness? OR-are you clinging to Jesus (what we will always have), getting work (doing your best to make ends meet and not living beyond your means) and following godly advice? If you are waiting well, there’s no guarantee you won’t have to wait less than someone who’s waiting poorly but it will give you peace of mind, added measures of patience and keep your focus on where it needs to be which is fully trusting and relying on God.

    Do You Trust Me?

    / LeahDanee29 / Leave a comment

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”

    ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    I have felt stuck on a hamster wheel going nowhere for far too long. Everyday feels like another battle of jumping on the wheel exhausting every ounce of energy I have only to end up in the same place, worn out and disappointed. Every time I see what appears to be an open door to get me off this hamster wheel I run harder and faster only to watch someone else go through the door and close it behind them.

    I’m gonna get real and confess I am so tired of closed doors! I want off this daggone hamster wheel and actually moving forward thriving like some preachers tell us God wants us to be doing. Last night I stopped running in place and prayed a very angry prayer to God demanding I be moved out of the pit and into the promotion in life I long for. I pulled out all the stops too. I reminded Him of how faithful I’ve been and how hard I’ve worked to learn the lessons He’s teaching me on this hamster wheel journey. I also reminded Him of how old I was and that I wasn’t getting any younger so this whole “waiting” thing and trusting His perfect timing no longer resonates well. I lastly reminded Him that I’ve even made efforts to fix my mistakes.

    At one point I was so angry I actually told God that I didn’t want to speak to Him. Of course I just kept rambling though. A few minutes later I demanded to hear from Him. No more silent treatment. But the only thing I heard was my own sobs. So I picked up my phone, checked my Bible app and turned to Proverbs 3. I read verses 5 and 6 and cringed. Sounds completely sacreligious to cringe over scripture doesn’t it? Well I cringed because God tends to send me that specific scripture when His answer to my prayer is a big fat “NO!” I throw my temper tantrums and His response Is simply, “Trust in Me and do not rely on your understanding. Acknowledge Me and I will make your paths straight.” Grrrrrrrrrr!

    But then I read farther in Proverbs 3 including verse 11; “My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline and don’t be upset when He corrects you.” Double Grrrrrrrrrr! How does a person NOT get upset when they’re being disciplined? In my anger I envisioned a callous God with His back against me completely ignoring my cries.

    At one point in my prayer rant last night I actually said “You are not the God I know and love right now.” WHOA! Right? Some might think “That’s awfully bold!” Others reading this may think “Who is she to speak to God in such an irreverent manner?” Those words were spoken in a moment of deep disappointment and feeling of great defeat. Those words were spoken to a god who had turned his back away from me. Those words were not spoken to the real God.

    You see in my moment of despair, I saw satan’s version of God. But God, through His word showed me who He really is. Even when He tells us “no”, that no may be firm but it’s gentle and it always comes with a “trust Me” after it. God is our Heavenly Father and just like we parents tell our children “no” from time to time, a parent’s no is always for our child’s own good, even if it’s a form of discipline.

    I went to bed last night with only this prayer said “I’m sorry for my angry prayer.” My heart was still stubborn so it was all I could offer. I woke up this morning and read this verse; ““So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you!” Hebrews‬ ‭10:35‬ ‭NLT‬‬ God again sending me a reminder to trust Him. Notice one thing-God was not shaken by my rant. He also-did not ignore me in spite of my spoiled brat meltdown. He will not ignore you either. God loves you and me even when we don’t agree or accept how He handles us or how He answers our prayers.

    I don’t like being told no. I don’t like being disciplined. I don’t like this hamster wheel I’m metaphorically running on. Heck-I don’t like to exercise at all. Ha! Ha! But I have to obey God’s directive which is simply to trust Him. So do you. What areas in your life are you struggling to trust Him in? If your heart is angry, so mine has been too. God is so faithful in forgiving a repentant heart and He is faithful to His word. Do you trust Him? It’s what He’s calling you (and me) to do.

    March 14, 2023 Update-

    God wasn’t telling me “No” back then. He was telling me to wait. Just two short months after this post-He opened a door I had been begging for. Don’t misinterpret His “wait” as a “no.”

    While you wait, seek discernment between discipline and pruning. When I wrote this post, I believed the enemy’s lie that God was forever disciplining me. I believed I had to achieve a certain level of sinlessness in order for God to answer my prayers. That is 100% false!

    If God is walking with you through a waiting season it could be for the purpose of discipline but most likely, He’s pruning what cannot go with you or what is holding you back from all He has in place for you. The sooner you surrender to a pruning season, the sooner He can do His work and move you into the promised land He has created just for you.

    May God’s glory and truth prevail as you persevere through your waiting season…

    Caution: Icy Roads Ahead

    / LeahDanee29 / 2 Comments

    “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.””‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬I’m reading a devotional on You Version called “21 Ways to Thrive by 45.” Today’s reading was about facing fear by putting our focus on Jesus and trusting Him. The scripture for today was Deuteronomy 31:6-8 and Psalms 56:3-4 . I’ve heard Deuteronomy 31:6 multiple times in my life. At one point I had it written on an index card taped to my desk as a daily reminder. But I’m not sure the passage from Psalms 56 has ever resonated with me before. I had to read it twice this morning before I felt God nudge me about these two verses. It’s summer time where I live. In a month or two the leaves will start changing color, the temperature will turn cooler and the evenings will get darker earlier. Although this is a beautiful time of year with backdrops full of bright yellow, orange and red, this is also a warning sign that winter is right around the corner. For some, this brings the excitement of winter activities such as snowmobiling or skiing. For me, because this also means poor road conditions, it brings fear.Today’s verses reminded me of a time that I found myself caught in an ice storm. My children had had doctor appointments in late afternoon. Although it was the middle of winter, driving to their appointments, the roads were quite clear. However in a short period of time, freezing rain came down and turned the roads into an ice skating rink. I had a 20+ mile drive home. I proceeded with great caution.What should’ve been less than a 30 minute commute was taking well over an hour as I creeped and crawled in my vehicle to ensure I wouldn’t lose control. Vehicles in my area tend to be equipped with four wheel drive but that doesn’t help on ice. Four wheel drive on ice just means you have four wheels spinning out of control instead of two. The closer we got to our home, the worse the road conditions get. The hills also seem to increase frequency and depth.Two miles before home I stopped at the top of a very steep hill. It was dark with freezing rain still falling from the sky. The ice covered road before me had a bright sheen when my headlights hit it. I thought about the best approach for this hill and then I proceeded. My slow decent took a turn for the worst as my vehicle did a complete 180 and I found myself stuck in a ditch, in the wrong lane facing on-coming traffic. With no success, I tried getting out of the ditch and back up the hill. I realized I was going to have to proceed down the hill backward. As I slowly let my foot off the brake to begin backing down the hill, the ice took over and my car slid backward, landing at the bottom of the hill completely parallel to the crossroad that was ahead of me. I was now taking up both lanes. This was a narrow road with large drop offs on either side. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t seem to get my vehicle turned straight into the proper lane and moving forward again. I prayed. I panicked. I constantly reassured my kids that we were going to be ok. But I was shaking with fear. I feared rolling my vehicle. I didn’t fear for my safety-but I feared greatly for the safety of my children. I’m a momma bear by nature and will risk life and limb to protect my children.I also knew that I couldn’t stay where I was at because any traffic coming from either direction could’ve hit us. My daughter was riding in the front seat, my son in the back. All of us had seatbelts on. I grabbed my daughter’s hand. I told my kids I had to get us out of there and proceeded to straighten out my car. Each attempt pulled me closer to the drop off on the right side of the road. In my mind I had already accepted that rolling the vehicle was inevitable. But I spoke out to my children saying “It’s ok. We’re going to be ok. God is going to protect us.” Just as my vehicle pulled farther to the right and I knew we were going into that drop off, my vehicle straightened and I was facing the right direction again. I drove a few feet away from the drop off, pulled to the side of the road then called for help. Tears of fear and relief flowed as I sobbed on the phone to the person I called. God protected us in a mighty way that night. Do you know every winter I still get anxiety over driving on bad roads? Do you know I still wrestle with fear, struggling to sleep some times? I also avoid chasing my dreams and rarely putting myself out there because of fearing rejection. The verses from Psalms 56 were a great reminder to take my focus off fear and remember Who is really in control. It’s also a great reminder that He promises to protect us whether it be bad roads, bad relationships, poor health, toxic situations, etc. When we focus on the what-ifs we give fear and anxiety all the control. We may even become paralyzed and unable to move forward because we’re listening to fear (or get ourselves stuck in a ditch because we tried to handle the circumstance in our own wisdom.) But when we stand on the promises of Deuteronomy 31:6-8 and Psalms 56:3-4 peace overthrows fear because we know that God is watching over us. Fear is a choice. Trust is too. Do not fear. Choose instead to trust in the One who promises to protect us always.

    Moving Slow but Working Hard

    / LeahDanee29 / Leave a comment

    “Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised.”

    Hebrews 6:15NLT

    My freshman year of college I lived on the 4th floor of Robinson Hall.  This dormitory had no elevators, only stairs-many, many flights of stairs.  There’s a “freshman 15” saying referencing the amount of weight you gain your first year of college.  The amount of times I went up and down those stairs on a daily basis I am confident I lost fifteen pounds and then some.  Along with the stair climbing you had to walk across campus multiple times a day for classes, meals, etc.  For a girl who at one point lived across the street from her high school, this world of walking a country mile and climbing stairs that equated to scaling the Empire State Building on a daily basis was a tad much.  It was even worse when I was running late.  Speed walking doesn’t get you to class much faster than normal walking and even at eighteen years old, my knees were not built for running, especially carrying several textbooks on my back.  Have to admit, twenty plus years later, I think my freshman year of college was a mini boot camp for this diva.

    After I graduated college, I moved back home.  I had big dreams to change the world and ended up with a minimum wage job at a retail store.  My college relationship ended and I found myself partying multiple times a night.  I found a job that was a remote fit to my degree but it wasn’t stable and it wasn’t satisfying.  I came to a realization that I was going in circles.  Going in circles gets you nowhere. Going in circles, simply makes you dizzy.  I took out a map and I picked a city to move to.  About six months later, I was settling in to a city seven hours away from home only knowing two people in the entire area.  I secured a job in the downtown area and gained many lifelong friendships from working there.  I also walked a lot.  You see, in most cities, there are parking structures that cost money to park.  People who worked downtown typically would spend $40-80 plus in monthly parking fees.  Paying for parking was a foreign thing for this small town girl.  So I found free parking, on the outskirts of a rougher part of the city, and I would walk about six blocks to my office in high heels.  At lunch time I would walk a round trip of about another six blocks to grab a meal and eat it at the office.  On the weekends my friends and I again would walk from bar to bar to go dancing.  You basically drove to the downtown area, just to walk to where you needed to go.

    It’s been seventeen years since I’ve moved back to my home state.  Where I live, walking to work or to get my kids to school or even to the grocery story is only a possibility if you’re in the shape of marathon runner.  In fact, the only extensive walking I do now is 1-3 times a week on my lunch break as a form of exercise.  Other than that, I am driving every place we need to go.  Now, walking isn’t a form of transportation, it’s simply a form of exercise.

    I have been battling with car repairs and unreliable vehicles for the past decade.  Since moving into the home I’ve raised my children in the past 10 years, I have owned four vehicles.  Each one has needed multiple repairs and each one has left me stranded a time or two.  Some repairs have been routine needs like new brakes or tires.  Others have been incredibly expensive and/or major safety issues.  Each one causes a great stress in figuring out where to get it fixed, how to pay for it and how to get to work and other places I need to go while the vehicle is being repaired.  At some point, the repairs get to be more than the vehicle is worth and then I pray extensively for the Lord to provide a better, more reliable and more affordable vehicle.  Each time, God answers.

    Two years ago, God provided me with the nicest vehicle I’ve owned in several years.  This vehicle seemed to fit all my needs and even handles very well on bad wintry roads.  It’s needed a few repairs here and there but it’s all been routine maintenance until last year.  At the beginning of the year, I noticed a loud banging sound when I would drive over bumps. I kept checking the area where the sound was coming from and couldn’t see what would be causing it.  One day I got to my office, checked it again and discovered my entire wheel well was broken.  If you know anything about vehicles, the wheel well holds the rear shock into place.  If the well is broken, the shock bangs up and into the trunk area of your vehicle.  Not only is this a safety issue but it’s an expensive repair.

    A family member did a free weld repair on it first.  This lasted several months and I was incredibly grateful.  However, in December of last year, the weld broke and replacing the wheel well was unavoidable.  It was Christmas time and very cold outside.  It was also the time of year where it’s dark until about 8am and dark again around 6pm.  My commute to/from work is 70 miles (112 kilometers) and given the time of year, walking to work daily wasn’t a realistic option.  Neither was driving my vehicle in the condition it was in. Given that fact that is was also Christmas time, financially speaking, this kind of car repair would break the bank as they say.  I prayed a lot.  I cried a bit and I reached out to others for prayer and help.  God answered in a mighty way. My vehicle was repaired, I was provided a loaner vehicle while mine was in the shop, my children had an overwhelmingly abundant Christmas and I suddenly found myself in a position to bless a family in need with an abundant Christmas also.  All this happened in a three-week period.  All this happened because God used friends and family and other avenues to provide for my children and me.

    About a month ago, my car broke down on the freeway.  It actually just shut down as I was traveling.  Fortunately, it was a slow motion occurrence where I was able to safely pull to the side of the road before losing my brakes and power steering.  I couldn’t get it started for a bit.  It was raining and vehicles were passing me at speeds high enough to shake my vehicle as they went by.  I prayed and asked God for help.  Tried to start the vehicle again with no success.  This happened a few times and I found myself quickly losing my patience.  At one point the high maintenance diva side of me came out and I actually asked God this, “Do you expect me to walk down the freeway, in the rain, in my high heels? Is that what you’re expecting me to do right now?”  He answered by starting my vehicle and getting me to a safe park N ride area.  I was able to call my mechanic who arranged for a tow truck and delivered me a loaner car to get me home that night.  My car was repaired the very next day.  I thanked God for His continued provision and embarrassingly humbled myself when I thought about those who walk in the rain without shoes because they have no other means of transportation and cannot even afford a pair of shoes.  Who was I that I thought I was too important to walk in the rain in heels?

    The past two weeks I have battled yet again with another needed repair.  This time, it’s a second broken wheel well.  This one is worse than the first.  The Lord provided the financial means to repair this one rather quickly, however, the body shop doesn’t have an opening to fix it for three weeks.  I drove the vehicle (after consulting with professionals who said it was ok) for the first week.  However, the noises grew increasingly louder and the damage worsened.  I tried to get the repair done sooner with no luck.  I reached out to a few friends for a possible loaner vehicle, with no luck either.  I prayed asking God to show me what to do for transportation over the next two weeks until I could get my car into the shop.  I didn’t ask nicely, mind you.  I had a world class toddler style meltdown over the whole thing.  In fact, I remember two things I prayed out of anger in that moment-1.)  I told God I didn’t want to learn whatever lesson He was trying to teach me and 2.) I was deeply disappointed in His method right then.  I even tried venting to two people I trusted and was told I was venting to the wrong people.  It was a whirlwind moment of deep discouragement.  My frustration grew as I could feel God going silent-just letting me have my rant.   In December God overwhelmed me with help.  This time, it felt like I had been left alone to figure it out.

    But then He answered.  He answered by sending a family member to look at the vehicle once again and advising me on how long I could drive it.  He answered by providing transportation for my kids to get to/from school and by giving a dear friend a willing heart to drive me to/from work.  He answered by the generosity of another friend who loaned me a vehicle for this entire weekend.  Although I don’t have a solid plan for this upcoming week regarding transportation, I know He will answer because He promised to take care of my children and me and God is faithful in keeping His promises.

    Now, if you’re still reading this, you might be asking, what do car repairs and where I lived in college have in common.  My answer would be this: turtles.  You see my freshman year of college, 4th floor Robinson Hall had t-shirts designed for each resident.  The shirts had a couple turtles on the front and the back read, “4th Floor, Robinson Hall, Moving Slow but Working Hard.”  I was reminded of this motto this week when I watched a turtle attempting to cross a busily traveled country road.   I actually found myself asking God to please help that turtle make it safely across.  Then I thought about how slowly turtles move.  There is no rush or urgency in a turtle.  They simply were not built to move quickly.

    Turtles crossing the road is very common where I live.  Many times, humans intervene by picking up the turtles and moving them out of the road in an effort to save them from getting smooshed by vehicles.  But other times, the turtle has to get across the road by the grace of God only because there is no human intervention.  That was the case of this particular turtle.  Nobody was stopping to help it.  I saw a few cars drive around it and hoped anyone encountering it would do the same.  Aside from darting cars, from the outside looking in, that turtle was on its own to make it safely to where he or she was journeying to.

    In life, and especially when dealing with a broken down vehicle, I feel like a turtle.  I can see where I need to go, I can develop a plan on how to get there, I usually choose the shortest route possible and then race off to the finish line.  That’s when I encounter delays or other roadblocks that slow my pace down or bring me to a sudden stop.  Delays and roadblocks trigger my impatience.  There are things in my life,-plans, goals, etc.-that I want to happen in hare speed, not turtle speed (if you’re not familiar with the Tortoise and the Hare story this analogy may not makes sense so google “The Tortoise and the Hare” for a better understanding.)  I especially get impatient when I know how to get something done but delay puts me in a position where I cannot get it down on my timeline and I have to depend on others for help during the waiting process.  I am a very impatient waiter (unlike Abraham who waited “patiently” and received the Lord’s promise.”   God knows this.  He also knows I learn best when He answers with “daily manna” instead of delivering everything I ask for all at once.  Because this year is the year He is developing my character to reflect how He designed me to be, He is slowing my life down to turtle speed, putting me in positions to be dependent upon others and in position to be totally dependent upon Him.

    I’m gonna be real right now and admit that this form of character building, I. Do, Not. Like.  But God tells us in James 1:2-4 to “count it all joy…when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let the steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (ESV).”  The NLT version uses the word “endurance” instead of steadfastness.  This word “endurance” is also found in Romans 5:3. “we can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.” Verse 4 ties it all together with this; “And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation (NLT,)”  Instead of acting like a toddler, God gently reminds me that I should be rejoicing through these trials because He merely developing more of my character through them.

    If you’re going through a trial, even something as trivial as lack of transportation, remember this-God uses all circumstances to refine us, especially the ones He knows will really put us through the test.  Our fiery furnace doesn’t have to be something major.  It could be taking the same “test” over and over again until we learn to not let that circumstance rattle us.  Maybe your test is a different financial struggle, dealing with a toxic person, having the same argument with your spouse with no resolution in sight, struggling with a rebellious child or something more intense like battling with a life threatening illness or job loss.  Whatever the circumstance, you may be feeling like you’re going in circles, this journey seems endless, God is silent and your trying to walk through heavy traffic (get through this situation) at a turtle’s speed.  There will be times you will feel like God uses others to pick you up and carry you to where you need to be quickly.  Other times in this journey you will feel like everyone is bypassing you and you’re at the mercy of your own strength to get across that road.  Just remember this, whether a human moves that turtle or the turtle makes it across because travelers choose to swerve and avoid it, God’s divine intervention is what truly gets that turtle safely across the road.  No matter how God delivers your miracle, know this-it’s coming from God, in His time and in His way.  Don’t give others more credit than they deserve and don’t be a hare trying to rush through life on your own.  It’s in the turtle speed that we notice more around us and are even gifted moments of pausing (like when you’re waiting for someone to pick you up.)  You’d be amazed at how beautiful life truly is when you’re not rushing and you’re not rattled.  You just keep going, moving slowly but working hard.  You do what you can, and then trust God to do the rest.

    One last note-as each vehicle passed that turtle, it never once stopped or hid in its shell.  It kept its eyes toward the direction it was heading and it kept moving forward. That is the epitome of unshakable faith.  When we’re faced with delays, roadblocks or feel like we’re metaphorically trying to cross a road through heavy traffic, there’s a confident trust we can exude by keeping our eyes focused on where God is leading.  We must continue to move forward believing He will get us to the other side completely unharmed.  God used that turtle to teach me this:  I can look at the problem and worry about how to solve it-or I can look to Jesus and trust Him to bring the solution even if it means hours, days, weeks or years of roadblocks and delays.  God used Abraham’s journey as a testimony that He is never late but always on time in delivering His promises, even delivering car repairs.