I’ll See You Soon…

“I have much more to say to you, but I don’t want to do it with paper and ink. For I hope to visit you soon and talk with you face to face. Then our joy will be complete.”

‭‭2 John‬ ‭1:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There’s a movie titled Dear John. It’s a love story about a couple who spent most of the beginning of their relationship in separate countries. Their occasional face to face encounters were short lived because other commitments kept them going in different directions. The bulk of their relationship consisted of letter correspondence.

Throughout their relationship, the couple never said goodbye. They parted ways and ended their letters with “I’ll see you soon.” To them, “goodbye” was something final and permanent. Because they wanted to be in each others’ lives, they chose to part ways with a sentiment that would remind them that they would be together again no matter how long they were apart.

Even when their relationship seemed to be permanently over, it’s really not the end. The final scene leads the viewer to believe their relationship rekindles. There’s also a voice over of the woman reading a letter to the man. The letter closes with this:

“…no matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as it ever was, I’ll see you soon.” Those words are a depiction of an incredibly powerful connection and a love that was never ending.

In the scene where the relationship ends, the man burns all the letters he ever received from the woman who was rejecting him. Oh how I’ve “cleaned house” to rid myself of past relationships in an effort to heal a broken heart and move on. In fact I recently unfollowed certain social media pages just to forget about a close friend whom I’ve parted ways with. A close friend that I used to say “I’ll see you soon” to. A close friend that if I’m being honest, I loved as more than a friend but a real relationship never came to pass.

The very day I decided to remove all that reminded me of him, Dear John aired on TV. My hardened heart tempted me to change the channel but the Holy Spirit prompted me to keep watching it. Truth be told, I didn’t get why until I tried writing this post. I’ve deleted two drafts and quit writing briefly before realizing what the Holy Spirit was showing me.

God used this movie to remind me He keeps people in our lives in His way and for His reasons. Some people come into our lives to help us develop our character, to test our patience and to stretch our ability to forgive. These are people we sometimes beg God to remove from our lives but He keeps them near us-sometimes too close. But there are others who’s purpose in life is to grow our hearts to a love that supersedes anything we could ever imagine (like what God promises in Ephesians 3:20.) These are the people we want to keep that God may take away. He does this, not because He doesn’t love us but because He knows that heart break grows a compassion that produces more love. I am a walking testimony to that.

If you’re reading this-I believe God has a message for you through this post. God wants you to know how much He loves you and just how deep He wants to grow His love within you. If you’ve written off the idea of loving someone or ever being loved, don’t say goodbye just yet. Instead, place your wounded heart in Jesus’ scarred hands and let Him fill it with a love that will make you feel as though you’re going to burst. The process is painful and overwhelming. It will bring you to your knees and even make you sob. But oh the joy that is felt when you are filled with a heart that is hand crafted by Jesus. Don’t say goodbye to love my friend, simply tell love, “I’ll see you soon.” It’s then and only then that our joy will be complete.

Advertisements

Beautiful is a State if Mind

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.”

‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭4:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see God’s creation or do you see flaws? If you’re like me you see wrinkles, spurts of gray hair, blemishes, and many lumps and bumps from being slightly, moderately or even greatly overweight. Maybe you even do the whole suck your gut in thing in, buy Spanx or other body shaping items in an effort to smooth our your shape and buy the expensive “perfection” make-up to hide your flaws. But no matter how much you dress up your face and body, when you look in the mirror, if you’re like me, you still see ugly.

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with my looks and my weight. When I was a size 3 I thought I was overweight. In my teenage years I would only eat one meal a day for two weeks just to drop ten pounds. Imagine what my mind thinks being a size 16 now and the discouragement I feel when I exercise but don’t drop even one pound. Honestly, I avoid scales. I even reuse to get weighed at doctor appointments. If I don’t want to know my weight when then it’s nobody else’s business either. Lol I have severe anxiety if anyone wants to photograph a full body pic of me. Most of my pics are selfies because I’ve mastered the right angle to make myself look thinner. I tend wear plus sized tops typically to cover up my Puffy stomach and love handles. I also wear high heels to make me look taller in hopes it slims out my figure. I rarely go out without make-up because I think I look incredibly old and completely unattractive without it. I struggle greatly with seeing an ounce of beauty in myself and hearing it from others is very hard to accept.

Recently I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. One that inevitably could effect my weight causing me to gain more and definitely making it difficult for me to lose any. I’ve seen one specialist so far. It was a disappointing appointment to say the least. I was told there’s no cure and nothing I could to do to get better. I cried a a good stretch of my 1 hour drive home from that appointment. I also prayed. Do you know what I prayed as tears flowed down my face-“God-PLEASE don’t make me fatter than I already am.” I kept saying it over and over again. Weight gain is just one facet of this disease yet to me it’s the only one I cannot emotionally handle. But I am a fighter and I tend to fight harder when someone tells me I can’t do something. So hearing I won’t get better has motivated me to change my diet and exercise more with hopes to prove that doctor wrong. I haven’t gained any weight but I’m confident I haven’t lost anything either.

Yesterday I watched an episode of a 1980’s comedy, The Facts of Life. In this particular episode, Blaire, the girl who prided herself on being physically beautiful with a flawless complexion and perfectly coiffed hair, sustained a head injury in an auto accident. When she saw herself with this huge cut and stitches across her forehead she threw the mirrored tray she was looking into. She saw a hideous disfigured face looking back at her. She later dumped the man she was dating because she felt like she was damaged goods. The man however fought for her. He showed her some silly scars he had gained from injuries throughout his lifetime and asked her if she still loved him in spite of those scars. She admitted that those scars had no factor in her love for him. He reminded her that she was less than perfect before the gash on her forehead but that he loved all of her in spite of her imperfections. Of course in a 30 minute 80’s sitcom there’s usually a happy ending and this episode ended with Blaire reuniting with her boyfriend.

The Lord really spoke to me through that episode. In fact as I was walking down the short hallway in my home I felt the Lord show me His scars from the nails in that were driven into His hands and feet. I heard Him ask me if I still loved Him in spite of His scars. He already knew my answer would be “yes.” I also heard Him tell me He loved me no matter how much I weighed or how flawed I thought my face looked. To God, I am beautiful because I am His princess.

I went to bed last night thinking about self-esteem. I realized our self-esteem is not determined by how others see us or value us. Honestly, I always believed my self esteem was based on the people who criticized me and made fun of me growing up. But that just gave too much power to the haters in my life. Our self-esteem is how we esteem ourselves. I can have ten people pay me ten compliments but if I only see myself as ugly, fat or just plain average, those compliments are wasted words. The opposite of that of course would be esteeming ourselves too high and ignoring those who try to correct our arrogance.

My daughter has referred to herself as “ugly” before and I cringe when I hear her describe herself that way. She is truly one of the most beautiful people I know and I don’t see an inch of ugly in her. But no matter how often I call her “pretty or beautiful”, how I esteem her is superseded by how she esteems herself. Just like the “ugly” I see staring back at me exceeds any compliment anyone ever pays me. Both of us are believing a big fat lie because the truth is-God doesn’t make ugly!

God is not ugly and we are created in His image. Even Lucifer was a beautiful angel created by God. Seriously the being He knew was going to become his number one arch enemy, God. made. beautiful. If God made His enemy beautiful why on earth would He ever make you or me ugly? He wouldn’t and He didn’t. You are not ugly. I am not ugly. We are beautiful daughters and sons of the One true King.

If you’re struggling with feeling fat or ugly, ask the Lord to change your mind and to give you His eyes to see yourself exactly as He made you. Stand on 2 Corinthians 10:5-take captive every thought that is not of Christ (seeing yourself ugly is definitely NOT of Christ), demolish every argument that is against the truth (call the negative voices in your head what they really are-LIARS!) and stand on God’s truth about you. Go out in public without that make-up covered face and let your natural beauty shine. If you choose to lose weight, do it for healthy reasons not just because you think you’ll feel beautiful if you’re a size 10. Take from the girl who used to be a size 3-no matter your pants size, you will always see yourself as fat and/or ugly if you refuse to change your state of mind and esteem yourself. You are worth loving so love yourself enough to see yourself as the beauty you truly are. (And please pray for me to really put into practice what I’ve preached in this post!)