“But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.”

Romans 8:25 NLT

Patience is not a virtue I was born with.  I’ve said that many times and unfortunately there’s a great truth behind it.  I used to pray for added measures of patience but learned a better way to pray is for opportunities to practice patience.  Yes, you read that correctly-I ask God to give me opportunities to practice patience.  Some of you reading this might be thinking: “Are you crazy?  That’s asking for trouble!”  I’d say “You’re right”-I am asking for trouble because the best way to grow patience is in circumstances that test said patience.  The more opportunities God graces me with, the more my patience will increase.  After all, practice makes perfect, right?

Here’s the area I lack the most patience in-waiting!  It’s the worst for me.  I’m not talking about waiting in line or stuck in a traffic jam (although depending on my day and if I’m in a hurry or not I can lose my patience in those situations also.)  What I’m referring to is waiting in life-on a dream, on an answer to prayer, on a change.  Waiting for the open doors God has for me.  And this “season” of waiting feels like longer than Abraham waited for Isaac or the Israelites waited for their promised land.

What am I waiting for?  God knows what the specifics are but in a nutshell-I’m seeking favor and increase in two specific areas of my life.  And I’ve been waiting for both to come to pass for what seems like an eternity. I have prayed, fasted, attempted to manufacture my own miracles, given up, cried, fell into depression, climbed out the pit and clung to hope again.  I’ve even pulled a Gideon and laid out prayer fleeces asking for specific signs that God heard my prayer and would answer accordingly.

Know what I don’t do-trust God.  Every time I pray I verbally lay my request at the foot of the cross but as soon as I say “Amen” I pick it back up mentally.  I worry, stress, overthink and plan for worst case scenario.  The result-I get in God’s way and end up closing the door myself.  This pattern has took place too much in my life and it’s a terrible habit to break.  In fact just today I woke up sick to my stomach worrying about these requests but unable to find peace, even after praying.  When I ask for a spoken word from Him, He sends me Proverbs 3:5; “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”  Not exactly what I was looking for.  When I ask God to specifically show me what’s going to happen and His answer is simply, “Stop overthinking and trust Me”-honestly I get quite frustrated.

There are days I loathe reading Proverbs 3:5.  I want life to be like a book. When the story gets too complicated and I’m too impatient to read on, I simply skip to the end to find out what’s going to happen.  But in real life-we don’t get to skip to the end.  There are seasons that we have to just wait it out.  During that season it will seem like everyone around you is getting your “happily ever after” and you’re sentenced to a lifetime of pit dwelling.  I’ve spent many years thinking the same thing.  But that’s simply not true.  We can either believe the lies the enemy feeds us about our future or we can do what Proverbs 3:5 tells us-simply trust God and stop overthinking.  We can also choose to be content right where God has us. (Philippians 4:11) There’s a reason He makes us wait or takes us on a journey that seems to be opposite of where we want to God. Walking with Jesus doesn’t always makes sense (even His disciples had trouble understanding Him at times) but it always leads to His best for us.  And the secret to peace while we wait-praise.  Praying doesn’t always bring peace.  Especially if you pray like me-obsessively at times just begging God to show me the answer or to make this dream happen or bring this desire to pass etc.  But if I just pray my requests, leave them at the cross and then praise God-I find that peace that surpasses all understanding.  It’s exactly what Paul did when he was in prison (and when he wrote the scripture on choosing to be content in all circumstances.)

If you’re like me and feeling like a modern day Abraham waiting nearly 25 years for your Isaac (that desire of your heart to come to fruition) do what the great waiters in the Bible did-trust Him, worship Him, praise Him and serve Him.  I believe one of two things will happen, God will bring your dreams (and mine) to pass, or He will align our hearts with the desires He has for us.  He promises to keep us in perfect peace when we stay (keep) our minds on Him (Isaiah 26:3).

I want to end today’s post with a prayer of confession as I continue to struggle with this season of waiting.  If you’re reading this and struggling too, please say this prayer with me:

Abba God-I confess to You that I am SO over waiting.  I confess my impatience Lord but what I confess most is my lack of trust in You.  Forgive me for getting caught up in what I don’t have, obsessing over dreams that haven’t come to fruition yet and taking my mind and eyes of who You are.  Forgive me for disobeying Proverbs 3:5.  I give the enemy my joy every time I choose to worry instead of just trusting in You.  Father keep me in Your perfect peace and continue to draw my mind and eyes back to You.  I lay my requests, the desires of my heart, down at the cross and this time Daddy, I’m leaving them there. If it’s Your will Father-I trust You to bring them back to me Your way and in Your time.  If it’s not Your will, I trust You to remove what I should not desire and plant your dreams into my heart.  You are the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and I am Your daughter.  I am learning that this season of waiting is making me into a modern day Esther and the time will come that I was born for.  I praise You for refining me.  Lord-surprise me because today I place my trust back in You.  In Your precious name I pray, Amen.